Am I the only one who sometimes feels like I don't fit in anywhere?
I have a big fucking NECK.
It's funny actually how this one physical characteristic that took over so much of my childhood in a negative way is now something I not only don't even see in the mirror but is actually a characteristic that adds to my life in such a positive way.
Wasn't always that way though.
Here's a picture of me as a toddler:
I read a confession of a guy. Here it is:
I see a lot of my juniors confessing about love, sex, make-outs, awesome college life, etc. I want to confess something else.
1. I joined Heritage in its early batches . I was quite introvert and was ragged a hell lot. A belt was tied around neck I was made to roam around the college on my first day. When I complained to my dad he thrashed me saying that I was a loser and wasting his hard earned money (he hoped that I was in IIT). I felt liked being raped that day; not by my college seniors but by my dad.
2. I got a very low grade in my first semester because i was pressurized by my dad to appear for IIT again. I got a severe thrashing from him again however, fortunately, my mom somehow rescued me.
3. In second semester I mustered up enough courage to propose to my best friend but she rejected me because in her words - "She didn't wanted to be ridiculed by her friends". She stopped talking to me since then. I was heartbroken as she and my mom were the only people I shared everything with.
4. During the 4th semester break, while I was returning home after teaching a student, I got a phone call informing me that my mom had expired. My world came crashing down that day. I cried for days; yet somehow managed to pick myself up as I had no other alternative. Life goes on.
5. My attendance fell very low that semester and I was summoned by the principal. When I told him about my mothers death he replied -"I hear this lie everyday. Please bring me your mother's the death certificate, if you even have one". Then again while I was leaving he said - "No need to bring death certificate, useless guys like you can even fake that. Call your dad".
6. My friends always ridiculed me because I was loser. I didn't laugh at their jokes. To mix with them I started drinking. I didn't like the taste but I liked the high. I often used to act drunk to appear more cool. I learned to call girls "magi" but never knew its real meaning. That helped me survive college somehow.
7. It was the campus placements day. I got rejected that day again. Hoped to make it to the next company. But was unsuccessful till the end of the placement season. I tried a lot. Attended English speaking classes (my English was horrible; probably still is), bought a new pair of shirts. When my dad heard this he told me not to call again and this time I didn't feel remorse or regret for him. For the entire night I contemplated about suicide but couldn't as I had promised my mom that I will shine one day.
8. I started doing private tuitions and preparing for CAT. I gave my best. I got 99.87 percentile but couldn't make it again to any big IIM because of my low grades. What had I done now to deserve this? But fortunately, I finally got admitted into decent college and a helpful bank manger arranged for loan.
9. After passing out I got into Volvo-Eicher as a junior manager. I didn't last for 3 months because I couldn't lick my boss's boots properly. My service was terminated because of being inefficient.
10. I started making I-phone apps in my leisure time while I was applying to a few companies. Slowly I took it up as a more serious start up. Got hold of 2 more friends like me who were from Computer Science background and were unable to find a job.
11. In 2011, I made a small office. By the end of 2011 I had a small group of 8 engineers working with me. In 2012, we bagged several contracts from companies like mobiquity, exxon mobile and the workforce increased to 80 developers. In March 2013 I will be applying for turnover of over 5 crores.
I don't know how to thank god for his blessings. I thank that senior who ragged me on my first day at college, that girl who dumped me, my professors who ridiculed me, the numerous friends who thought that I was a loser. It was these people who gave me the courage, the fire, the anger to succeed against all odds. Seriously no hard feelings guys. You made me what I am. I don't stay with my dad but I send him enough so that he can lead a comfortable life. My advice to all juniors- Shine in life. When a loser like me can, why can't you? Never let people say that you can't do it. Many people might have faced similar or more depressing situations in college life but NEVER EVER gave up. Let not a broken relationship, failed grade, lost job opportunity or your status among friends define you. And never lose faith in humanity; in goodness. There might be a few bad people, but there are a lot more good people around here. I met a lot of good people, professors in my college and believe me Heritage taught me a lot.
Mom, I hope you could read this. I love you a lot.
So remember one thing, "You are special and you are the only one of your kind".
The confession part is a copy- paste from the source. I will remove it if it violate the policies.
It is almost funny how I find people on quora thinking and worrying about the same things that worry me sometimes. It is a consolation that I am not the only one.
I always heard people talk about college life, the wonderful people they met and all the memories they made. So when I came to college full of expectations, they burst like a balloon. I found it difficult to make friends and get into groups. To add to the loneliness, my college had rooms with single occupancy.
I used to spend the nights crying, listening to people outside my room celebrating birthday parties to which I was not invited. What worried me the most was the feeling that I could never fit in anywhere, that I could not ever be a part of a group. I wondered what was wrong with me. The depression had quite an impact on my studies, my hobbies and my self-confidence.
Finally, I realized one day (it was almost cinematic, the way inspiration struck me one day :P) that what I was doing just wasn't right. I realized the reason I felt so upset was because I had a checklist of sorts ( be a part of this huge group of awesome people, celebrate birthday parties, hang out a lot in malls, upload many pictures, meet some really cute guys, yeah, I could go on). I had formed an opinion in my mind that unless I did all those things I couldn't be happy.
So the first thing I did, was to let go - of expectations that I had set. Instead of trying to find people whom I was compatible with, I decided to start pursuing things I liked: I could meet people who share similar interests. I decided to get rid of my inhibitions. I also realised that the thing about trying to fit in, is that when you try to you never will. You have to just let it go. You have to stop pleasing people. You have to stop trying to build an image or project yourself as a fun person. You are the way you are, appreciate your uniqueness. Try not get upset at being laughed at for saying silly things or people not taking you seriously. If they can't get to know you well, it is their loss. Start pursuing your interests. This will give you immense satisfaction and will lead you to the right people.
Hope this helps.
I never fit in.
I was awkward. I never knew what the right thing to say was. (Believe me, I tried.) I didn't understand what to wear or how. I was the last to be picked in gym class. I was seldom invited to parties.
When I was I stood in a corner wishing, as we say in Mexico, that the ground would swallow me.
The popular kids always hung out together, a continuous, rowdy gathering; a pack with shiny, sleek hair, musky perfume and the right jeans. They sat at the back of the class. They laughed and jostled and pranked each other.
They were so beautiful.
There was one girl, blue-eyed, freckled, sandy, lanky, who always made fun of me. She was a bully. She wasn't violent or aggressive but she was cruel. I was afraid of her.
In my memory, school was hard. I couldn't find my place. I skipped class and slinked around, wishing I could be invisible.
One day not too long ago this same girl sent me a Facebook invite with a note. I am from Mexico so it was in Spanish. It went something like this:
Dushka, I haven't seen you in over thirty years. I think of you often, your wit and how comfortable you were with yourself. It was like you were above the effort I had to make to remain popular. I struggled to fit in. I wished I was more like you.
A part of me wanted to point out how mean she had been (to me and others), the knack she had to make me feel small; that impeccable, lethal aim.
But I couldn't bring myself to. Instead I accepted her friend request and occasionally see her on my feed.
We all harbor feelings of inadequacy and isolation. How real are they? How many people that look good from where we stand are in the grip of these same feelings?
It's our insecurities that possess that impeccable, lethal aim. They play tricks on us.
It turns out that we are all more alike than we are different.
No and if you know about statistics you know how improbable you being the only one that feels like they don't fit in in a population of seven billion is.
I actually didn't fit in while I was in college. I went to a Tier-3 college in India, most students were not very inclined towards education and those who were weren't very smart in problem solving or programming.
I was programming since I was in 8th std. That is what I was and what I am good at, actually I was good at mathematics, which then pulled me towards programming. I topped my 12th college in CS, however didn't crack the CET. Went to a Tier-3 college.
Still from a Tier-3 college, I got placed in one of the Indian unicorns. My pay package was at least 2x the pay package of the highest pay package in the college, also which I got.
In the Indian unicorn, I saw students from the IITs and people who were interested in discussing mathematics, philosophy and the esoteric things I liked. Not all of them but the ratio of people who liked to talk about these things is way higher over the Tier-3 college.
That is also when I realized why it is important to go to the top colleges, it is for the crowd.
Now I fit in okay. Find the right group of people and you will fit in.