Are men generally more straightforward than women?
I was walking to class senior of high school when a girl my junior stopped me in the hallway. Her hair was fire red. She wore a baggy plain white T-shirt. She must have been a good 50 to 60 pounds overweight. And to make matters worse, her skin was so pasty white that flecks were falling to the floor like freshly fallen pieces of snow.
"Umm, John," she stammered shoving her hands deep into her pockets, "I like you. Do you want to go out sometime?"
Were the only words that came to mind. But her eyes were purring at me like a sickly cat barfing a fur ball next to my shoes. How could I hurt her feelings? I just couldn't. Come on, don't give me this responsibility. I'm a nice guy, but I can't go on a date with you! I just...
"Maybe," screw it, I'll lie and hope she gets the message. "I'm really busy," yeah, Star Fox 64 is a full-time job, "I'll let you know if I ever have free time." Should I have said that? Oh well, I'll walk away and forget it ever happened. Ignorance is bliss. "See you in class."
Hasta la vista, baby!
This was the only time a girl asked me out. It was horrible! Having someone you're not interested in proposing a date where now if you refuse it'll be awkward in the class you both share is a nightmare made in high school!
So I lied. Sue me. I was 18, applying for college, and battling my inner monologue who I would ask to senior prom.
But I learned the valuable lesson that rejecting someone is so much harder than being rejected.
Asking a girl out is extremely difficult, but you have the benefit of mentally preparing yourself. The girl doesn't have that luxury and is taken by surprise.
One minute she's arguing over the hottest Hansen brother and the next fugly comes strolling along with a proposition from Hell.
She doesn't want to hurt his feelings, so she hints at rejection through coded language. It's the compassionate thing to do.
Women may seem less straightforward than men but that's only because they typically have to reject more people than us dudes, with potentially greater consequences....
Sure. In many situations, men are more straightforward than women.
After all, when a man says no to unwanted advances from a woman, he almost never needs to worry about whether the woman he rejected would punch him in the face, or stalk him to his home, or spread rumors destroying his professional integrity and cause him to leave his home because of death threats, even when she admitted she lied.
When a man gives "straight talk" at work, he's seen as taking control, showing leadership qualities, an alpha male. When a woman is straight forward at work, she's seen as too aggressive, too bossy, too ambitious, lacking team spirit, a general bitch.
When a man is straight forward in a relationship, his words are taken seriously and respected. When a woman is straight forward, if she expresses her feelings of affection, she's seen to be too emotional or too sensitive; if she expresses her negative feelings, she's seen as a drama queen, too negative, too nagging, too gossipy... And if a woman is expressing her rejection, her rejection is usually disregarded, disrespected, or seen as a tease, or encouragement to keep going. When a woman is being straight forward about her sexual desires, she's seen as a slut.
When women talk, it's not about what we have to say, but rather how we match up with expectations. People react not to our words, but to their expectation of us and whether that expectation is being met or not. Depending on the expectation which varies from person to person, from context to context, we can be too straight forward, too timid, too emotional, too heartless, too bitchy, too goody-goody, too promiscuous, too prudish...
So yes, we weigh our words, we beat around the bush, we start with "excuse me" and follow with a "sorry" in every other word, and we sugarcoat everything.
Because in many cases, one wrong word would mean a trip to the ER.
Men would do the same if they lived in the world we live in.
It's not a gender issue, it is a misogyny issue.
I'm sure that while many are, it's probably not as much as they'd like to believe.
For example, look at the invention of the dreaded ‘Friend zone'.
Literally a bunch of guys identify with the concept of trying to be a girls ‘friend' but only with the real intention of trying to seduce her, and then complaining and getting angry for her NOT dating them! As in they ACT like they're her friend, but they aren't nice to her out of a genuine desire for friendship and they rarely respect her platonically either otherwise they wouldn't get so mad and judgemental or believe she's taking advantage of them or some shit! They literally are only being nice because they think it'll lead to sex!
And many don't even go about trying to ask her out or express their true feelings until way later on the ‘friendship' after they feel assured by the fact they've ‘done so much for her' that she'll feel OBLIGATED to give him a chance!
So it's super manipulative and not at all what people consider ‘straightforward' at all. Straightforwardness isn't harboring secret feelings and trying to condition someone to like you more.
I also have yet to hear of many men who are really so straightforward that they generally treat communication over conflict in heathly ways either. For example if your wife or girlfriend does something that annoys you, then you should probably just talk to her about it, but most guys don't think they can handle confrontation so they keep their mouths shut and just complain about it to their friends. That's a behavior that goes for ALL people which is why I say guys are probably less straightforward than they think, because the desire to save face is really for everybody.
I think that whenever we start talking about gender differences we find that both are naturally much more simmilar than they are different: it's almosr like the differences are self fullfilling.
It depends entirely on the person on whether or not they are straightforward.
Men are mostly taught that they can get away with being blunt and straightforward. This leads to more men being comfortable being straightforward than women because women are usually taught to deliver news or talk in a way that doesn't upset anyone.
However, people don't need to follow this rule. I know many examples of people who do not follow this generalization.
My aunt is a very straightforward person. She tells you what she thinks without censoring any of it. Sometimes this is a good thing and sometimes it is not.
I am a pretty straightforward person as well and am pretty blunt. This has gotten me into countless predicaments and over the years I have sort of developed a judgement of whether or not something is rude to say. I will ask the person now if they want to hear my blunt opinion rather than just saying it.
I also am surrounded by so many males who are not upfront or direct about anything. My father is this way and he will never tell you anything he thinks will upset you. He will do this to the point of lying to you to avoid upsetting you.
My best friends are also guys like this. One good example was prom.
My best guy friend and I had a crush on each other and I decided to ask him out to prom (in a straightforward way). He declined. I was hurt but I didn't want to go alone so I asked my other guy friend (who I didn't like romantically) if he wanted to go as friends. He accepted and we went together.
Now, my best friend found out and got extremely upset. But did he talk to me about it? Of course not. He decided to ignore me for a month and when he saw me with my female friend he would start texting her to make me upset. He also complained to his mother about the whole situation.
It took me bluntly asking him if he still wanted to be friends otherwise I wasn't going to put effort in the relationship anymore for him to even start talking to me again. We eventually moved past the whole thing but our typical pattern is me being blunt about things and him never telling me that I upset him.
But, my point is, males are generally encouraged to be more straightforward but that doesn't mean that they all are more blunt. It depends on the individual's personality more than anything.
Most of the time. They can tend to be more logical and reasonable with things that women won't. They can tend be less emotive (not necessarily less emotional). Most of them find the practical route to something more appealing.
This may be because of roles that they are raised into, take up or see other men take. Influence is a key here, so is disposition. Some can be none of the first paragraph and the complete opposite of that.
By nature, no. But many are after being conditioned by society. Woman are excepted to be "nice" and always put other people's emotions before their own emotions. When women are straightforward, they're bashed for being assertive and not being "nice" enough.
It depends on whether the women in question feel the need to pass their actions and ideas through a field of male scrutiny, or perhaps other female scrutiny, before reacting. If they do, then these women will be harder to understand/less straightforward than men.
The men I prefer sleeping with are, I'll tell you that much, sweetheart! But seriously, it seems that way sometimes. Just remember, there's a difference between being straightforward and being a prick.