Can you explain your life's purpose so far in one paragraph?

This is going to be more than one paragraph.

I've gone through what I would describe as immense suffering, continually, for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for at least 25 of my 40 years of life. My stomach felt like someone tied a belt around it tightly, that feeling would never end, all day, morning till night, every day. For many of these days it was so bad I did not want to be here anymore. The anger it produced was engulfing. I was not bold enough to actually end my life, but for all those years I learned about chronic physical suffering and intensely negative states of mind that might be called hell. I was always keenly aware that most others were not living hellish lives of this intensity, and that added to the psychological torment of it. I was constantly depressed or sad or angry and in pain. I loved nothing and no one - I hated everything including life itself, as well as myself and my life. I was never able to have a long term girlfriend, lost communication with nearly all of my friends, lost a well paying and rewarding job, could not socialize due to the discomfort and inability to be relaxed enough to have fun, and developed all kinds of anxieties and paranoias because of it. I did visit doctors and had scans done and there was nothing physically wrong with me.

I sought out healing in non traditional forms because life could not go on like this. I spent years training in energy healing. I am just now discovering meditation and learning how to peel off the layers of suffering. I learned internal martial arts (Qigong) from two Masters. I practice this daily.

Because I could not socialize nor work in a traditional environment I decided to go into business for myself, mainly investing money to make more money. The end result was that I made the money I wanted but became greedy and even more stressed and unhappy. I decided to take time off from that and travel and live in the wilderness and practice more healing.

That brings me to today. I am writing this from the base of a mountain forest. I am not healed but things have improved. I have learned how to live out of a tent, quite comfortably, and spend almost no money doing it. I have few possessions because I sold 99% of my belongings. I can go back to the traditional lifestyle anytime I want but knowing what I know now, which is that I need very little to actually live a very comfortable life, I can now see the value (and ease) in being a minimalist. We pay outrageous prices to live in a home. And here I am, doing what I want and living where I like, for nearly free.

I am learning that my heart holds tremendous pain and I need to release it. I learned that the events of this lifetime were not caused by things I did in this lifetime - that if I do not fix this I will have to come back again and again until I do, only prolonging the agony and anguish and effort of it all. I intend to fix this once and for all in this lifetime and I am recognizing the tools that work to produce healing.

So there have been many purposes and I may or may not be done. I'd still like to feel healthy and have a strong body and mind for the first time ever, and smile with ease, and perhaps I will use what I have learned to help others in the future.

I know now that of us have a similar path - we all suffer and naturally try to find ways to ease it. Some of those remedies make things worse, some make things better. In some way or another, every single person on this planet needs healing. I happened to have a very motivating reason to pursue healing. Others have less serious problems or no awareness at all that anything is even wrong. Pain is a wake up call. I'm still answering the phone.


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