Can you give me a life advice?
When my housemate of almost 2 years left to go back to her country after her graduation, I felt lonely, empty and confused.
I always thought I was independent and didn't really need anyone. I had taken my housemate for granted. She was the only one that truly cared about me and tolerated my nonsense. She was a friend. A phenomenal friend. The type you would fight with and then moments later she comes to confide in you, cry with you, hug you and laugh it out. A sister is what they call it, I guess. The rare kind you don't find these days.
But I never realized that until she was gone. I complained a lot. I complained about my lovely friend, about life and just pretty much about everything.
Albeit I had too many friends, none of them were close. Not because I couldn't have close friends but because I deliberately chose not to. Having close friends felt like a commitment I wasn't ready for. I was too miserable. Everyone seemed to be happy and enjoying life except me. My social life was close to non-existence.
My excuse to myself was that I am too ambitious for everyone else. I was trying to focus on building a bright future whilst they were busy on doing the juvenile stuff.
And then one day, shortly after my housemate left, I fell sick. I was so sick that for the first time in my life I was incapable of getting up to shower for atleast 2 days. For atleast one week, I stayed in bed feeling weak and lifeless. During that period, nobody called to ask my whereabouts, despite being a regular in every university class.
It was then that I realized that I was alone. So alone and I might die alone. I thought of all the friends I had and how not a single one of them bothered to ask. At first, I became furious. Soon after that I realized that I had done this to myself.
I was too angry of a person, too negative, too complicated; a result of holding grudges from being hurt in the past. I had worn the title of a victim for too long. Victimizing myself made me too weak and propelled people away from me. There were people that loved me and truly cared about me but I was never able to see it because I was too absorbed in my world. My housemate was one of those. I wish I could re-live my days with her.
Coming to terms with this reality not only opened my eyes and ears but it also opened my heart and mind. There are good people out there. Not everyone's aim out there is to hurt you.
So if there is any advice I have for you is that you stop victimizing yourself. When you know and accept your flaws, nobody can ever use them against you. Be open to life, to experiencing new things and to making new friends. These may be the best years of your life. Don't waste them being miserable.