Did you get to choose which parent you lived with after your parents divorce?

No.

I lived with my mom because of the following reasons:

  • My mom had already completed her first degree and had a stable job and income whereas my dad would move to another town after the separation and would need to find employment to pay his way through college (he attended a private university, that's why). Hence, it made financial sense for me to stay with my mother
  • There were a lot more relatives in my home town (both grandmothers, one grandfather who was still alive, my uncle and his family) that there would be in the capital city who could help watch me if my mom needed to be out of town or I was ill.
  • My dad wouldn't have had as much patience with me as my mom
  • My mom and dad had differences of opinion over where I should spend my free time (hobby schools etc).

The decision was made for me with my best interest in mind, as well as keeping in mind the living situation of both parents. My mom also got to keep the apartment (3 rooms) whereas my dad would be living in a rented room for the next few years. One can see how it would've made a lot more sense for me to stay with my mom, not least of which the very bond between a mother and her child, which I and my mom have.

I think that in most cases, children should stay with their mother. Unless there is reason to keep the children away from their mother, it's always best to not do so. However, there are cases where mothers are negligent or not really invested in their children's lives in which case staying with the father or extended family might be best. It all depends on each individual situation and family, but this arrangement worked out for me as best as it could've.

Both of my parents get along, they sometimes help each other with work. They have no problems being in the same room with their new partners and children if there are family events that I host. It's all good :)


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