Do parents treat boys and girls equally?
Well my parents tried to for a very long time. Until the so called society decided to put it's foot in between. To be very frank, my childhood was pretty great. I was allowed to do what I want, play tennis in whatever clothes I wanted and was encouraged to debate and ask as many questions as I wished. My Dad has always been awesome having an answer to almost all my whys.
As I grew up though, rules for me drastically changed. I was not allowed to talk to other guys,my mom often tried to get into my email and phone inbox quite frequently.
I was judged quite often by my clothes or makeup. My mother in fact called me ‘Chhatki' ( a loose term for philanderer) every time I would don red lipstick or wear a short dress.
I wasn't allowed to go out with friends or on trips at all, and if I talked for a a little more than ten minutes, my mother would holler around asking me to get back to studies. I had to be back at home before 6 and my mother constantly kept calling me day and night to know where I was. I know this world is a dangerous place to live in, but it was sometimes intolerable to constantly remain within limits.
I had no privacy whatsoever ( based on the fact that I was a depressive patient so any desire to be left alone has to be definitely a pathological one.), so my mother would bang on my doors every now and then just to know what I was doing or talk about some absolutely irrelevant things. She didn't mean bad obviously but I felt sore sometimes thinking my brother didn't have to face all this. And I wonder how she thought I would get past college life without friends at all.
My brother and me got into terrible fights with us beating the shit out of each other ( me being weaker getting beaten more) which continued way into adulthood, but what irked me most is that my parents never stood up for me.
They kept on telling me that it's normal for siblings to fight. It was quite normal till I had a tooth broken. At 24 years of age, I landed up in the casualty with a haematoma, that's when it became abnormal.
I mean they did try to protect me, since I was the younger one, but I was the one to blame always. why can't you keep quiet? why do you have to reply back? why can't yoy respect your brother? It just felt so hurtful to perceive that the fault always lied with me. I felt threatened in my own house. And my self respect took a severe beating.
My mother is an extremely caring woman and has made several sacrifices for me. She has stood by me through my depression. But sometimes , given the continuous feedback she keeps getting from numerous relatives, colleagues at work, and friends, her attitude completely changes towards me. Of course I can never be the ideal daughter for her because she will always find someone way more ideal than me to compare. For years her only answer to my every question was ‘when you get married'
Mom can I go for a movie? when you get married.
Mom Can I wear shorts? When you get married and if your husband allows.
Mom I posted these pictures on facebook. ‘Your husband will not tolerate you'
And hence she literally hated me for boyfriends I had, judging me for everything and making my life miserable.
And the sharmaji ka ladka problem. That's perhaps every Indian household's problem, except with my mom, it sometimes starts happening with every person she sees on the street. Oh He got PG, must be very intelligent. See such a sanskari girl wearing salwar kameez! you must be like her. Such is that I sometimes completely forget who I am supposed to be.
And not mention my quora answers. Its a great matter of shame for her that I dare to write such hard hitting notes. Maybe she is plain scared about what people will think, how they shall perceive her and me, and she keeps on reminding me to take off my bullshit off quora if I ever want to get married. In fact my brothers wedding card didn't even carry my name, because people will google search it and find out what I write.
The peak of the story comes when she comes and asks me ‘ where will you live if you don't get married?' quite a legitimate question, except it's weird that on most nights I wish I don't open my eyes anymore in the morning, because I don't feel I have a home to live in. And everytime I step into my dad's house, she reminds me that its meant for only brother.
All these things make me a stranger in my own home, and I just want to get away as soon as possible.
A lot of people might think am washing dirty linen in public. Hence the anonymity.