Do people generally think it through enough before getting married?
I thought that my husband loving me was sufficient reason to get married. He was handsome, kind and affectionate. He had a good relationship with his family and was well-liked by teachers, pastors and even elders in his community. I had every reason to believe that he was a good guy and a decent marriage prospect. Most importantly, he seemed head-over-heels crazy about me, which was something I hadn't experienced in a long time.
I had been in some long-term relationships that lasted years, but ended in disappointment. So I figured I'd accept my husband's proposal and give marriage a try, even after only knowing him for 7 months.
I couldn't have made a bigger mistake.
Shortly after we married my husband became extremely jealous and possessive. He would get mad if I was out with friends and refused to Skype him the entire time. When we moved in together he went through my personal computer and social media accounts looking for old pictures, messages or e-mails that might displease him. He took it upon himself to delete anything he didn't like. He deleted pictures of my friends and I drinking in college. He deleted pictures of anyone I'd dated previously. He deleted entire profiles on old social media accounts.
Then he used everything against me. He told my family what he'd found - inappropriate pictures, "friends with benefits," exchanges that had taken place between me and other guys. He used all of my personal information that should've never been accessed in the first place as ammunition against me. He slandered me to anyone who would listen, especially my family.
Somehow I felt that I'd be able to prove myself to him in time. I hoped that eventually he'd recognize that I was a devoted wife and his behavior wasn't warranted, but nothing changed.
I got pregnant with our daughter. After giving birth to our daughter things only grew worse. He stopped being physically affectionate toward me. He enrolled in night school and started spending most of his time away from home. He started driving for Lyft and coming home really late - sometimes 3 a.m.
When I confronted him about his behavior he'd just throw everything in my face that he had found on my computer.
One night during a heated argument I threw my wedding band across the floor.
I told him that I was sick of feeling like someone he regretted marrying. I told him that I was sick of him telling everyone that he basically thought I was whore...
And I told him that I didn't want to be married anymore.
He told me he wanted his own place, but I moved out first.
We've been separated for over a year and I'm preparing for divorce.
Every day I wish I'd taken more time to think things through, but at least I've learned to stop tolerating emotional abuse.