Do some people not like being happy?

First of all, I love you.

What a wonderful insight!

In this answer I am going to use the word love to mean giving attention, and giving attention to mean love.

There is something called victim consciousness which is a type of ego strategy for winning/earning love and attention from others.

It is a strategy to gain the ear and sympathy of another to satisfy a craving for love. This method is a poor substitute for unconditional love, but we will eat anything if we are hungry enough.

An ego that is using victimhood as a source for love and attention does not like being happy, because happy might imply satisfaction and therefore "not a victim". Complaints, accusations, defensiveness, and gossip become the tactics used to convince everyone that one has been wronged, soliciting the sympathy of a friend.

This method of acquiring love serves as a temporary coping device to get through life. I say temporary because this strategy is quite an unpleasant way to live. I know, I used to do this all the time.

All of this occurs unconsciously of course. It takes quite a bit of courage and sincerity and honesty to really look deeply at yourself to see if this happening in one's life.

To be very clear I am not saying that people who are victims of violent crimes need to be told that they are not truly victims, or that people should remain in abusive relationships. No. Abuse and violence are never ok. Victims are very real.

To be very clear I am saying the egoic strategy to always appear as a victim to one degree or another is a coping mechanism for the absence of love in our heart, making happiness not an option.


I think it's more a matter of just being miserable. Some people are very negative and can't see what they do to others, or they don't care. They have probably never tried being happy. Or, life has kicked them to the curb one too many times and they are over it. You never know what others have gone through in their lives. Not everyone is able to maintain a cheerful attitude and happiness because of what they have suffered. Everyone says cheer up, but some people just can't. They could have depression or any number of illnesses that has soured them. I don't think anyone would dislike happiness. It's just that they don't know how to reach it anymore. If someone has an edge or is grumpy, you can bet, they have a reason. They may not even be completely aware of it. Life has a way of molding us according to our experiences.

There's a term called emotional masochism. People who are emotionally masochistic derive pleasure from inflicting psychological pain on themselves.

Another class of people who don't like being happy see themselves undeserving of happiness. There are various reasons why they feel so but the bottom line is they sabotage their attempts as well as anyone else's attempts to make them happy.

Some people feel they're in control when they're in pain versus when they're happy. Such people are likely to think there's pain right around the corner when they're having a streak of happy moments. However, when they're suffering they feel "normal".

Yes. Some people love being totally miserable. It is all based on the reward system. If you get more enjoyment (usually in the form of adrenaline) from pain and drama, which is actually often exciting and entertaining, then you will prefer that over happiness which is often peaceful and feels like it is boring.

Also, when they are involved in drama, a lot of people feel like they are important. And too, when someone is feeling sorry for themself, they get to keep the focus on themself so they get to feel more important than they would feel otherwise.

Lucky for them life is full of pain and misery LOL!

Some people, lots perhaps, relish being pessimistic and grumpy. They love to moan and like to criticize. They are invariably ‘couch potatoes' who make little useful contribution to the world and whose sole purpose in life is to try and bring everyone else down to their miserable level.

Their negative energy is palpable.

Avoid such individuals at all cost.

I know that there have been a couple of people in this forum who have admitted that they feel happier when they are sad! Sounds like a contradiction. Maybe it would be more appropriate to say that they are more comfortable when they are sad. Sadness seems more compatible with their temperament. Actually we all have a temperament or a combination of temperaments. Some people are melancholic-it's one of the four temperaments. Maybe when a person who is inclined to depression and starts to feel happy, he or she is just waiting for the other shoe to drop-"What's wrong. I'm never happy. This feeling is going to go away and I'll be right back where I started-miserable." So if they're sad they aren't concerned about being disappointed. Depression is like an old friend.

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