Do you regret your divorce? Given a chance, would you resolve things differently?I wrote this for another question that was asked about how can divorce be prevented.....but I think it fits this one maybe even a bit better. Apologies for the repetition for anyone who happened to see the other answer!
They can't. At least that is my honest opinion. While this might be an unpopular way to answer this question, it is what it is. I believe that there are people who enter into marriage with the best of intentions. With the truest desire to be married to their chosen partner forever. That is beautiful. However, I also believe that there are people who get married and fall out of love. Who lose themselves. Who have a need that isn't met. I believe this because I was one of those people.
I got married when I was 24. I married a man whom I was deeply in love with, shared desires for travel and adventure, building a family and a life together. Over almost 11 years together we went through the ups and downs of college, living on opposite sides of the US, buying a home, infidelity, becoming parents, losing loved ones, finding success in our careers -- just about everything you could imagine. We were best friends.
We got divorced anyway.
We went to counseling. We got divorced anyway.
We spiced up our sex life. We got divorced anyway.
We both still loved each other. We got divorced anyway.
We both deeply love the child we share. We got divorced anyway.
We were best friends. We got divorced anyway.
You see, there wasn't anything that we could have done to prevent our divorce, save not getting married in the first place, but that wasn't a realistic viewpoint at that time in our relationship. We knew we loved each other, we got who the other was, we supported and cherished and loved who that person was. We were best friends. How could this go wrong? When I look back on our little love affair I am not sure that anything did "go wrong", rather it went the way it was supposed to. We changed, grew, and changed again. And when we weren't the right people for each other to continue in the journey with, we said a heart wrenching goodbye. This was not easy, but it was necessary.
The real truth is, we were meant to love each other for the time that we were together, we are meant to love each other still as friends and co-parents to our amazing daughter. And we do. Amazingly we have found a way to continue to laugh at each other's jokes, offer grace to each other's faults, support each other's ambitions, and to love each other's new partners and welcome them into our odd little family. We are still the best of friends. And we are still divorced.
While divorce hurts and carries with it social stigma or family stigma, or whatever you may call it, divorce is not always bad. It is not always the wrong answer. It is not something to be prevented.
In a weird twist for us both, through being divorced we have been able to travel down paths that had we remained married we likely would have never ventured on. We have met and reconnected with people in our lives who otherwise would never have held the space they do now. We have excelled in work, family, love and life -not despite our divorce, but because of it.