Have you ever fallen in love with your best friend?
Once upon a time, I fell in love w/ my very good guy friend. He checked off all the things I inherently knew I wanted in someone. He was intelligent, witty, talented, well-informed, and seemingly open-minded.
We would spend lots of time with each other giving emotional support, professional assistance, and sharing hobbies and personal anecdotes with each other. At the time, I thought I was being a good friend, but I soon realized I felt more.
The downside was: he had a girlfriend for awhile up until that point; three years. Which was absolutely OK with me. I never planned on acting on my feelings and ruining their relationship.
But the biggest thing that did bother me, was how he would speak about her. He would belittle her, call her naive, and take for granted her positive qualities. And often times, I would always stick up for her (I met her a few times) and tell him to discuss those things with her. NOT ME.
However, one night after we spent about six hours together unintentionally during a scheduling meeting, he confessed to me he wanted to break up with her. Even though, somehow he believed she was the one he wanted to marry someday.
He then explicitly stated that he wanted me to give him the approval and courage to do so. Talk about awkward.
I didn't understand why he asked for my permission and still don't to this day, but I explained to him, he obviously needed to speak to her about his feelings. Although in the moment it made me feel like I did the right thing, when I got home, I couldn't stop crying for about two hours.
Afterwards, I made the decision to establish better boundaries and stopped encouraging intimate time between us. Our last conversation made me highly uncomfortable to say the least.
That didn't sit well with him and he started inquiring about my distance and aloofness. In so many words, I explained to him that I had other priorities to tend to. He continued to get upset which in turn led to arguments.
By this point, our relationship became more unpleasant and passive aggressive. We even spoke poorly about each other to other people; not my finest moment.
Eventually I had no feelings for him anymore and began to look at things more constructively. My assessment: this guy was too much of a coward to talk to his supposedly desired fiancée about their relationship problems and continued to offload them on me. Yet, he would get mad when I made it clear I no longer wanted to listen. Yeah, not the nicest guy like I thought.
Fast forward, and I tell him I no longer want to work with him in any capacity and I apologize about talking behind his back. His response: "If you are telling me all this, then you don't mean it." What!? Now that definitely didn't make sense.
We both cry. Him obviously b/c of the break-up. But my reason being, I finally realized he's going to have such a hard life if he's not honest about the reality of things.
End note: He ends up marrying the poor girl anyways, a few months later.
Tl;dr: I fell in-love w/ a close guy friend who had a girlfriend. I tried to establish better boundaries within our relationship and he disagreed. As a result, I decided to discontinue our ‘friendship'.
Yes, I fell in love with my best friend. We had been friends for 7 years. Maybe best friends for half of that time.
I knew I had to do something when I felt jealous of him dating other women. Through our whole friendship I was always happy for him when he dated different people and I dated others also. We would laugh and talk about our experiences with truely nothing but fun and support.
I knew when I started to become jealous or resentful that I had to make my intentions known because otherwise the friendship would be doomed either way. It was hard though because I needed to balance risking the friendship (which mattered deeply to me) with my changing feelings towards him.
After about 4–6 months of noticing my changing feelings and our changing dynamic we slept together. We were on holidays together when it happened and we kept it private from friends to see how the dynamic developed.
We have been together for almost 6 years and will be getting married next year.
It was so worth it to get togeather with my best friend.
The best advice I could give is watch how the dynamic develops, don't rush things, respect the relationship that you have already built togeather most of all.
If all goes well you can be one of the many people fortunate enough to say that you married or ended up with your best friend.
I was in second year of my college, She was my classmate.
She was dating a senior.
We got close as a friend.
I was single , I had never been in a relation before.
She wasn't happy with her relation.
I became her "kandha" .
She knew i wasn't looking for a relation, So she was okey being with me, Since there was no complications between us. This went for 2 years.
Then One day , I went out with one of my roommates , She was in the same mall.
A random girl asks me if I can help her choosing a tshirt for one of his guy friends.
I agree and I go with her.
My Best friend sees me with her. She doesn't say anything, Calls me up in my phone , and lets me know that she is there. I wave at her. Her face has turned red. Since she always used to say she doesn't want a relation.
Later same day, at eve , I get a message,
I felt possessive about you.
My reaction * What the *
I didn't say anything.
The topic closed.
I didn't pay much attention to that incident,
But after some days one of my junior approached me, And then All hell broke loose.
She started acting weird, She shouted on me, and what not. I got confused,
and after that day i had decided , I will not talk to any other girl , Since It makes her jealous.
Yes!! I really cared for her * as a friend *
But then after some time, Spending so much time with her, and talking for long hours, I developed feelings for her.
and Then Something unexpected happened.
*We Kissed *
It was my first kiss, It was special to me.
We didn't talk about relation. We just enjoyed the moment.
I was already in love with her by then , I thought she was too.
That's why i made the advance.
But then when i proposed her ,
I got this answer "I never thought of you as anything other then a best friend."
I was hurt, This was the first time I was this much attached to someone, and
After that she started avoiding me, shunted me, Made another best friend, From what i have heard ,Something like this happened this again.
We don't speak to each other now. And I am scared of getting attached to people . Even though 4 years have passed.
Yes, or you wouldn't be asking.
Be careful. Number one: keep the friend. I cannot give any generic advice that would always be optimal; rather people vary so much that one key does not fit all locks. You know your friend, I'll assume.
Protect the relationship, that is what love will do. You will eventually disclose your love, but having established first how much the friend means to you as a friend.
Don't wait too long, which would be erring in the other direction. Start exploring communication. I'm not big on "hints," but, in fact, this could be a situation where hints work.
The biggest hint will be that you are creating opportunities to spend time together. That you smile and light up when you see the person. That you have fun with the person.
The problem with disclosing love immediately is that, if the friend is not ready for this, it can make being together awkward, the opposite of what you want. Make it easy, and keep it easy.
Let your love be a twinkle in your eyes. Let it be kindness and understanding. Let it be joy, now, not depending on something in the future.
This is, in fact, how to build the future, by creating joy now.
The OP has now filled in details, I had only the raw question at first. Yes, what I read in your longer explanation is love. This is not infatuation. This is what could become the basis of a life story, of a life worth standing for.
Given the history, your next step is pretty obvious. You will tell her how you feel. You will continue to respect her, you will not attempt to overwhelm her, but you will also tell her that you want to commit your life to being with her, that you want to bring joy to her, and, yes, that you want to touch her.
You have written nothing about her response to you, other than signs that she likes you (which is not the same as being ready to commit).
Nowadays, there seems to be an idea that sex must happen before marriage, at least in the U.S. I will say this: it is not necessary. Sex is very natural, you already know if the "machinery" works. Having sex with someone you love, and who loves you, is among the peak human experiences. Genuine marriage is a sign of that, and a protection around it.
What is important, before marriage, is attraction, and I'm getting that attraction is in place.
Have that conversation with her.
Ask for what you want. Even if it doesn't happen, you won't regret asking. It is not asking that can bring regret. So, whatever it takes, open up!
Actually, you CAN develop feelings of love for someone who was previously a close friend.
Ya I had fallen in love with my close friend but now I lost the frdship and love too..
She is my schoolmate, I had a crush on her during school days itself but couldn't convey to her coz as I heard that she got committed with someone then later I came to know it was a rumor created and also she had been learning karate(which has scared me to convey). In +1,she had changed the school and went somewhere so I thought I missed her.
Den I got another crush in +2 this time with help of my frd I have conveyed my love to her and she was accepted. Still I can't believe those days. We were in love for 5yrs den she left me alone by saying I'm always suspecting(I'm not suspected I'm just don't wanna my special person to share with someone) and restricting her and making her uncomfort so she left me..
I was so depressed on those days even couldn't get rid of those things.. At that situation,I met my first crush on road side and I was shocked something is still happening btw us.. I thought this time I shouldn't miss her so talked to her den we shared the numbers..
We started spending more times on phone she shared her bad past and I shared mine.
Suddenly one day she asked me can pls offer me 16gp pen drive for 2 days. I said ya okay sure but hw can u get from me??? She said I can't come out better u come to my home. Really I was very scared coz I have Neva been in such environment(in my entire life nearly I spoken to 2 to 3 girls only as I'm so shy on this). Somehow I got superpower to visit her home and had gud conversation with her mom and sister. Then often I visited her home had lot of chats,funs she hardly pulled me from my past. 3 yrs we were gud frds even I became family frd. She knows me well about my character. So the day which I felt t love on her eye is on her birthday and she too felt the same den we got committed. But I'm little bit concern about my activities coz I'm short temper easily get anger and ll start throwing t words without my knowledge and also I had physical problem(could affect our sex life) so started avoiding her & stopped caring her and I don't want to be destruction for career(she studies upsc).
Small small fight btw us but we both will forget everything by next second and talks casually.we successfully crossed a year as lovers. After yr I said about my problem nd I got priceless reply from her "luk sex s not a life ter r much more then sex. I'm luking for caring one. Ur were so caring" I gone speechless with tears. Exactly after a month we had small fight and I had thrown some harsh words nd abused her badly(I restricted her that not to txt to her frd and don't upload photos on fb Coz really I don't want my special person to share with someone) but I thought within a week she will be talking to me as usually. I waited waited waited I didn't get any msgs from her. Weneva I on my mobile data t first msg will be her but 2 weeks I don't get any msgs frm her I started missing her badly. I txtd to her its not delivered I called up "no was switched off" then I mailed her by saying sorry . She said "everything was over pls carry on ur job I may not be ter in ur life so move on" all of sudden everything has happen I didn't know wat to do. Frankly saying I jus kept my dignity nd self-respect apart and started to beg.. Even made cal to her mom \U0001f616she abused me with few words and I made cal to her sis she too abused me. Then everything has outa control. I miss her badly now a days as a frd. But still I have hope she will txt me one day.she expect nothing from me (money or any expenses) she expected my time my care but I didn't.
We got break up on may'16 end,but she s happy and enjoying her without me but I'm here wasted my days my job lost my happiness I lost everything by thinking about her.. I couldn't get out of this. It sucks me everyday weneva I listen to some songs and weneva I see movies getting her memories nd starters wiping.. She s a bravest girl I ever met
So think twice before u falling in love with ur best frd. Because I miss her as a frd more then as a partner. If she comes back sure I ll make her feel like heaven by caring her Coz my personal problem was solved.