Have you ever fallen out of love with someone you loved deeply?
The popular idea of what love is, comes from our choices of music primarily, the type of literature we read, sorry ladies, romance novels are to fine literature is like a burger is to a steak dinner, and does the phrase "Just follow your heart" sound familiar?
Love, is also not an emotion. What most people believe love is really romance, mixed with sexual arousal. That flush or dopamine and serotonin, the pounding heart, the flash of heat, the wanting to always be with that person, the sense of beauty you see (left over from when we still living in the trees and based on symmetry of physical features) even the perceived sense of smell brought on imperceptibly by pheromones.
Arousal, romantic love, erotic love are all based on attraction and arousal. It will always stop as it is self-limiting.
Love that lasts, is a decision, or rather a never ending cycle of decisions geared to one another, to be there, through thick and thin, sickness and health, poverty and wealth, bad decisions and outstanding decisions, child-bearing and child-rearing, getting up at 2am and 4am so the new mom can get an hour extra sleep. Asking how his/her day went in spite of the fact you just had a crappy day yourself. Is making dinner, or ordering out, so she/he doesn't have to cook after a day of watching the kids or dealing with the office jerk.
Romance on the other hand is that initial flush of dopamine and serotonin you get when you meet that someone with whom you'd like to spend more time. It is a self-limiting occurrence. It is so, because the more time you spend with someone, the less novel their appearance becomes, and the "warts" begin to show.
True love is many things, many different kinds of actions, always geared to someone else's enjoyment, relief or comfort.
I hope this helps,
Of course. Twice, for very different reasons. Both were the right move. Both deeply sucked.
My first girlfriend and I dated for 2.5 years, from 19 to 21. We always had problems, but never in the day-to-day. We got along fabulously, had all the same interests, similar senses of humor, the introvert/extrovert split, both artists, etc. But we deeply disagreed on every facet of politics and religion. She was (and I assume is) a fundamentalist Christian, right-wing conservative and I was and am a moderate Jew and deep-left liberal/socialist. For two years we ignored these issues, but it came to a head when we started talking, even casually, about marriage and children. And I realized that we would never come to an understanding and when we had kids and wanted to raise them, we'd have unmanageable problems. It came to a head when she said that gay people went to hell and she'd never change her mind. And I couldn't tolerate that kind of thinking. So we broke up. It sucked, but it was the right call.
The last girlfriend before my wife, I was madly in love with. She, however, was pretty ambivalent about me. And she made it known over a the last month or two of our relationship, through subtle and passive aggressive meanness (seeing my favorite band in concert without telling me, having her parents come to down and not inviting me, etc). When it became clear that she would never love me, but would also never break up with me and might actually marry me due to a feeling of "good enough," well, I had to end that shit. I still can't comprehend that level of apathy. It was not fun at all, but obviously it was for the best.
Love doesn't conquer all, sadly. The right love, however, is worth fighting for. My wife of 4 years (partner for 9) and i have had our issues, of course, but on a fundamental level we're in the same place. We disagree in our beliefs and our politics, but we can have discussions and our beliefs don't disagree with the core of our selves. Which is good.
If you ever loved someone deeply, you can't completely fall out of love. Just because you break all the contacts, don't talk anymore, still a blank call tells you his/her name. He/she hovers in your dreams. They get enlisted into wishes never to be fulfilled. Yes, there are moments you hate them from the core of your heart and very next moment, still you surrender. It doesn't get over. At least with me. Everyday still I wish things could have been better, but they don't. Everyday I still whispee a prayer and pray that it doesn't go unheard, still it does. Everyday I make myself understand the one who is responsible for these all might not be giving just a second thought about it, still I don't hate. Yes, love vanishes for a moment when I think about the pain I had been through but next moment it just rebounds more stronger. This is not a decision that I have made, nor a choice which I have opted, but its that strength of feelings which I am not able to ignore.