Have you ever felt profoundly alone?
There's a difference between loneliness and being alone. Throughout my life I've experienced loneliness even though I was always sorrounded by people. I never quite felt as if I was really present no matter who I encountered. No one made me feel at ease. No one understood me. I just had connections with people I had known for years but it was only because we known each other for years that we continued to maintain the relationship. Acquitances. The group of friends you hang out with because you knew each other from school. It feels like I will never find my crowd or even a friend that I can truly rely on or be myself around. I've always felt the loneliness. But for the past three years I've felt profoundly alone. I moved to a new city three years ago and I haven't found a single person that I can see myself having a genuine relationship with yet. I truly feel completely alone. I used to drink and take drugs for the first two years so that I could block it all out and that just got me into situations that increased my depression and left me more empty. This year I've remained mostly sober (a drink every two months or so) and it is the most alone and weak I have ever felt in my life. I interact with people when I go to university or the odd occasion I'm forced to be social and I always feel like I'm putting on a happy social facade, people think I'm okay and have a normal life regarding relationships, but inside I'm crumbling hoping I can just meet one person I truly like. I always feel like I'm looking in on myself from the outside when I'm in social company. I've developed social phobia and agoraphobia regarding situations with people because after each interaction it just drives me further away from enjoying the company of people. I'm basically bed bound other than attending university or going grocery shopping. The only company I cherish is the cat that lives two blocks down who visits me everyday. I've come to accept the feelings of loneliness and being alone as a state of mind I'll always endure. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't.
I used to live together with my Grand Mother , she loved me a lot . My Parents were there , but she wanted me to stay with her and I spent most of my time with her . She selected my wife for me and I got married , she insisted me to still live together with her after my marriage and I obeyed . One day after my marriage when my grand mother went to live for few days with my Aunt , I got a call in the morning , I Woke up and attended the call, my Aunt told me that my grand mother has passed away . When I heard that news on phone , I was Collapsed and screamed loudly , my wife rushed and asked me what happened , I replied " The hands who always raised for prayers for me are gone out of this world" . Although my parents were alive that time , but I really felt alone in the world . She was everything for me . Almost 15 years passed , but still I pray for her soul everyday .
Well I'm So Used to it to the point of feeling indifference Being alone and loneliness for me isn't something that I need to overcome i have learned to live with it and it doesn't come from the need of needing someone to express my emotions and feel connected if it dose hit me sometimes like a ton of bricks i could never tell the reason behind it therefore I can't do anything about it Yea i DO turn to bottle when I get my head under the water when I know I'm sinking but that bottle isn't alcohol as we all have our crosses to bear i have got my own posion loneliness isn't something which will be lessen by the company of a person unless it's the one you love.
Don't Fight it Let it complete it's process the more you fight it the more profound it gets.
Have you ever felt profoundly alone?
I feel grateful that I can say that I've never felt "profoundly alone" for more than a whole day. But I do feel that I have been alone-that perhaps in a way we all are and don't even realize it. The one thing which helped me in the past to escape the feeling of being alone was to believe that God was with me. Then last year I had something similar to a spiritual experience, and now I know that I've just tapped into my inner self. I no longer believe in God, but it feels as though I have a friend. It's just part of me. I talk with it just as though it were my best friend because in a way it is! I think I've met the self that's all about "balance." It has taught me so much about being human.