Have you ever loved someone you shouldn't?

I'm in love with my best friend.

Not the worst thing in the world, I guess.

Recently we started sleeping together. While he was sleeping with another woman. I decided to reveal my feelings for him.

Just seeing her made me nauseous. She ACTUALLY looked like me. Same long blonde hair, bright eyes, body type. Everything. Our personalities were almost the same, but also very very different. She was me 2.0.

I never thought I would have feelings for my best friend. Every time I even considered it I was reminded of all of the reasons I shouldn't... I.e. our friendship group has a rule against dating inside of the group, and if I violated this I would lose all of them if it went poorly.

And yet I perused him. Something about seeing him with another person, especially someone like me, boiled my blood. The other woman actually made me physically sick. We had changed group activity dates to ensure she would be able to come. In all senses I felt as though she was a replacement for me.

I shouldn't love him. He's not going to choose me over her, regardless of our years of friendship.

Yes, It turned out to be that I was the only one who was serious about our relationship. We met in college, had our share of friendship. From texting to calling, meeting up on daily basis and long late night talks, I fell for her. She was my kind of perfect. I developed a crush on her and to my luck, she got to propose me and after a few hiccups, we were together. Everything was going smoothly, I was head over heels in love with her until she started falling out of love. I did everything I could to keep her and as destiny would have it, I failed and she left. So was the case that she eventually started hating me and lost all the respect for me. She left me vulnerable and weak. I used to bunk classes and sulk in my hostel room. I have cried a lot for her and because of her.

I don't have an answer to why I fell for her. Maybe liked her company, the way she talked, her smile and everything else. Even months after break up, I wished her to come back. But this love had cost me a lot. I developed anxiety issues, lost interest in people, my self-confidence got down, lost my grades. Now, I don't trust people so easily. I believe that no matter how much I loved her, I didn't gain anything from this relationship.

Lessons learned:

  • Never compel someone to love you,
  • If they love you, they will make an effort to stay,
  • Never to trust someone blindly,
  • Do not lose your self-respect (we all do it every time),
  • People fall out of love very quickly,
  • There's nothing called honesty and loyalty,
  • No matter how good you are, you ought to be replaced,
  • People who stick with you through thick and thin are the ones to look out for. For me, they are my parents and friends.

Relationships are fad nowadays. If you search for true love, people will mock at you.

There is no such thing as loving someone you shouldn't. You can only love someone in the wrong way or out of proportion.

"The wrong way" means selfishly, e.g., wanting to be the lover of a married person or the substitute parent of a child who already has good parents, or hanging on to a "friend" because that person has money. If you really loved this person, you would know how to love in the right way, free from anything that smacked of stealing.

People often think of "out of proportion" as "loving too much". But actually it's the opposite. If you love someone who "shouldn't" be part of your life, that doesn't mean you love the person too much. It means there are other people - the family and friends who should be your priorities - whom you love too little.

So if you feel that you love someone whom you "shouldn't", take a good look at all the people whom you should love - your spouse, children, parents, siblings, longstanding friends, near neighbours and club-mates. Which of those people do you love too little? Commit yourself to increasing your weak love and putting those relationships to rights.

It was painful. You know it was wrong ,yet you cannot control your heart.

During the day, when you can gather yourself together ,you keep telling yourself that was it,and you are gonna end it today. Yet the moment you woke up, the most vulnerable moment ,you woke up with the image of him. That sudden sadness just makes your wanna cry so hard,yet you cannot even cry out.

I loved him, he was the guy who made my heart beat faster, who put a big smile on my face, who I was so connected to. Yet,deep in my heart, I know I shouldn't love him, I shouldn't even have started. He loved the most perfect shining side of me, not the complete me, he is not the one I want in my life as a partner I can get support from.

No matter how rational you think you are, emotions and feelings hit you hard sometimes. But time can cure everything. life is real, I don't want to live my life on a fantasy. When you end it, painful!! yet, it will pass.

Original Question:  Have you ever loved someone you shouldn't?

My Answer:

Oh lordy, yes!

I think if you live long enough, you'll find yourself in such a situation at least once.  Probably more.

Feeling love for someone who is ultimately not in your best interests, isn't confined to just romantic love. There are times it could be family or friends that you finally realize you need to disassociate from for your own preservation.

It's particularly poignant when you fall in love with someone not at all suitable.  If you get into a relationship with them, you are placing an enormous trust in them.  If and when they break that trust, or even just don't live up to your idealized views of who you thought they were, it's always a crushingly painful experience. 

It leaves you doubting yourself at every turn, even if it was you who broke it off.  How, you wonder, can you ever trust your own decisions again, nevermind opening yourself up enough to try again with someone new?

The answer is that you can.  But it takes time and you must eventually let yourself grieve.  Grieve for what you thought was going happen, for the loss of the person you loved, for what could've been. 

There's a very good reason people say divorce is like experiencing a death.  Break-ups, whether you're married or not, are just bloody painful.

I'm sorry if you've recently found yourself in such a situation.  It might be hard to believe right now, but you will, eventually, feel better.  There is no time limit on your grief.  For now, just focus on doing whatever you can to heal.

Best wishes.

i did love someone whom i should not have.

she was in 11th standard and i was in 12th. One day i proposed her and we both were excited for the relationship. then i went to IIT and we would talk for hours . one day she told me that she can no longer be in the relationship. Earlier she promised to marry me and later i came to know that she was emotionally attached with some other person , but i never said sanything. Then recently she liked some double meaning troll on Facebook. I asked her : are you a virgin? . what happens next is that she blocked me.

That is what i hate among girls : they know everything but they wear some gentle masks to hide the real.

It would have been better if we had never crossed our ways.

Umm yes. I wouldn't say "loved"...maybe been infatuated or lusted? Had relationships with?  When I used to work with a lot of men, I was very popular and there was a lot of temptation. I was young and stupid and got involved with some men who were in committed relationships.

I did begin to really love someone once about 4 years ago.  Someone from a very rich and powerful family. Someone who had ties to darkness and dark energies. We both thought we could change each other. We both brought each other a world of hurt. I hope he wasn't my soul mate....I've never met anyone else quite like him.

Yes, I'm not sure I am even over him yet. l did eventually break up with him. We did not share the same values and he had a lot of unhealthy problems. I am a Christian he was not. He liked it when I inflicted a little physical pain on him. He was ubsessed with the natzi consentration camp oficals because they had fought off all of their own human emotion. He was young and did not know a lot about life. He was my first boyfriend and I just liked being admired by someone. I still want to be in a relationship but I just have to be paitent for the right guy to come along.
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