How to be a good child to my parents
I'm sure there are many things that you could do but my number one suggestion would be to open your life to them, not in a childish way, but as an adult. If your parents have been abusive, then distance is warranted, but for parents who've been imperfect, as we all are, I would think that including your parents in your life is a good way to start.
My father is/was a warm and accepting man, so openness with him has not been an issue but it was a different story with my mother. She was a difficult woman, very critical of herself and others, so I tended to hold her at arms' length. I didn't confide in her or tell her much about my personal life - certainly not my fears and vulnerabilities. A few years ago I'd had enough of my mother's criticisms so I cut off contact with her for the better part of a year. Eventually we resumed contact and, while never going head-to-head on our differences, I was able to address her negativity enough that our relationship resumed. It wasn't especially close, but certainly not distant.
I'm really happy this happened and while I don't feel guilty for my physical and emotional distance, when she had a stoke and died two years I lost the chance to grapple with some of the issues that had separated us.
Now that I am a mother I realize how terrible it must have been for my mother to lose contact with me. I can't imagine not speaking to my daughter for months at a time. I know I'm far from perfect, but my daughter is the person that most matters to me in the world. I would hope that my daughter feels able to open herself to me and be honest about things that I've done to hurt her. I also hope I can listen to her and not become overly defensive. The conversation has to happen on both sides, which might not be able to happen if we can't be mature enough to stand our ground in a loving way. My mother bears great responsibility for our distance, the lion's share, but I think I might have reacted in a more productive fashion, instead of just withdrawing.
I wish I'd taken more of the high road with my mother before it was too late.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right."
By knowing & playing your role perfectly!
See, most of the people in today's world are confused about the relationship between parents and children. Should the child listen to their parents in everything or the parent should listen to the child in everything or is it a half half deal? Many number of people do not know how it should be.
Some says, it should be friendship and/or love between parents and children. But, these days, friendship, love and all such bla bla things are so much economical and fragile and get broken so easily any time when a parent/child do not get what he/she wants! So, such emotions seem nice at the moment but do not work longer.
Some says parents should raise their children within the limits and decide their career and marriage too. Some other says parents should give full freedom to children in everything. If the parents are limiting the child, then unknowingly, actually the parents are taking away the unlimited possibility and Life of the child. If the parents are giving all freedom to the child then the child will mess up with everything and his Life will be designed according to permutations of the surrounding people and situations which are out of control.
Some says parents should teach their children everything about Life. Some other says parents should actually learn from the children and get updated. See, if the parents want to teach Life to the children, then first the parents must be knowing the Life in its entirety or if the children tell their parents about Life, then the children must be aware of the Life first. Today, many of the parents feel like they know everything about Life. So do the children. But, the reality is many of the parents/children today do not know the Life in its entirety or not even closer to that. So, where is the question of parents teaching to children or children telling to parents??
Some says parents are like god to children. Some other says children are god gift to the parents. See, with due respect, we may say parents are gods to children or children are god gift to the parents, but the reality is all of us are humans! This godlike attribution actually distorts the people from originality and takes us away from the reality. So, this godly nature to humans has nothing to do with the reality. We must understand this first. The people who talked too much about respect to parents are actually the people who will beat their parents and never care their parents.
Then How The Relationship Between Parents & Children Should Be??
The answer to this question comes only when we understand the reality. Only when we come from the fundamentals and basics of Life. Only when we think with plain mind and accept the truth as it is. Only when we do not impose our stupid beliefs and sacredness to this relationship.
See, the children never asked the parents for their birth. It is the parents who did the sex. It is the parents who participated in the process of the nature for their own personal reasons fully knowing that they get children out of it. Fully aware of, fully known enough, the parents gave birth to the children. And hence, now the full responsibility of raising the children must be borne by the parents without any question. Because the parents are the only reason for the children to be born, by hook or crook, the parents must nurture the children till they become adult. There is no question about it and no debate about it.
As a child, a child gets all the benefits from the parents. First and highest benefit a child gets is-he comes into this world only because of their parents. Without their parents, he would not have born and get this Life. In addition to this, a child also gets other benefits like food (body growth), shelter (survival), financial support, love, emotional support, support in knowledge growth, education, societal support and all! As parents, most of the parents give/sacrifice themselves to their children for him to grow 100% in all aspects of the Life. They love, they care, they support, they nurture, then enhance the Life of their children in all possible dimensions within their capability and within their possibility.
Once the child is properly raised in all aspects and gets into adult age, he/she is considered to be physically fit enough to work, mentally fit enough to think and emotionally fit enough to react differently in different kinds of situations. He/She is now expected to live Life independently without parents help. The duty of the parents now ends and the duty of the child starts. And also by the time the child grows to its adult, the parents have probably been falling into old age. The parents have possibly been tired of working and raising the child anymore. And hence, now the parents will look at their children for their survival. They expect the same amount of love, care, support and all as that of what they had shown when these grown up children were kids. Hence, it is the whole and sole responsibility of the child to look after their parents and to ensure that he returns everything taken from their parents including love, care, support and all! The parents must get what they have given, but they can never interfere with the career and marriage options of their children. A child needs guidance, a parent shall guide. But once the child becomes adult, he/she must be leading his/her own life in his/her own way and be responsible for all his/her actions in Life. By the time a child becomes adult, he/she must have already known everything (at least most) about the Life and be ready to start the Life. This way, a child can live independently after becoming an adult. Parents can give suggestions to their adult child, but they can never ever force their children in any matter. Once a child becomes an adult, he/she must come out and go beyond the family to start his/her actual Life.
**In a nutshell, since, the children never asked for birth and parents only did sex and gave birth to children, it is the whole and sole responsibility of the parents to raise and nurture their children in all aspects by hook or crook till the children become adults. And once, the child becomes into an adult, the parent's job ends and the child job starts. The adult child must return everything taken from their parents including love, care, support and all! This is the only deal between the parents and the children, hence, the parents have no rights to interfere with the career and marriage options of the children. The parents may guide, suggest if children seek so from their parents, but it is finally left to their children as to what career to choose and whom to marry!**
what made you think so, can you please tell me ? if there is some confession that need to be made do it immediately you will feel relaxed.
if nothing is there , please be more specific what you want to be with your parents ? and why you think that you are not doing the way you wanted it to be.
may be that is what triggering you for this question.