How to find happiness again after a divorce
Happiness should always come from inside.
A divorced/single parent's life is tough. There is a lot of hurt, distrust, fear, trauma...
But understand one thing. If you are going to keep holding on to all of it, you will never be happy. You have to let it go. Sooner the better.
The process of happiness starts with accepting the situation you are in. Spouse gone... it is not your fault. Things went bad... shit happens. It happened to you, it could have happened to anybody.
You have to realise that after a point you will have to stop fighting your situation. Stop trying to reconcile. Stop thinking why your spouse left. It has already happened to stop wasting your energy trying to change it.
I know taking care of kids can be very taxing. But during tough times, they give us a much needed rain to survive. So, teach them some empathy. You may always think of keeping your tears away from your kids. But it is ok to let them see you cry once in a while.
As for happiness, find yourself a purpose, bring about a change do something useful. Learn to love yourself. Do all the things you couldn't do back when you were married. Lose your sanity for some time if you want. Start living.
After a while, you may even start seeing the futility of romantic relationships. Or you may not and find yourself in another worthwhile relationship.
Don't push yourself don't rush yourself. Take a backseat in your life if you are unable to drive. It's ok
It took me a while, and a lot of talking. I kept seeing how awful things were compared to how the were... which never was true. I had dreams of how we COULD be, how things might be fixed, and it was this fantasy i was comparing my life to. I was grieving the loss of my hoped-for relationshp, not the relationship i actualy had. The real one was pretty miserable, and things were now better.
But it took me a long time to even glimps that truth - that i wasnt broken up over the loss of the marriage i had, but over the loss of the marriage i wanted. In truth, it was never going to happen, but as long as i could hold it as a goal, and try to work in that direction, i could put the reality in a closet.
Realizing this was the biggest part.
I also decided that there must be some way to use my experience for good. My religious perspective tells me that God can (ultimately will) use all things for good. I dont want to get preachy here, but i thought that either i could get on board with the project of finding something useful to do with all that crap, or i would have to accept it as a pile of useless intense pain, totally meaningless and devoid of purpose.
For my, that meant talking and writing to people, listening to their own struggle. I blogged a lot. And ibtried to be honest both with the pain, and the assurance that the worst hurricane (im in Houston) did not destroy the idea of the sun. It exists, it shines, even if it isnt shining on me. Thst is almost an irrelevency.
Last, after 30 years of being second fiddle, i didnt even know who i was, or what I liked to do.
So I thought back, "who was I last time I knew" I dove into some old hobbies, bought a camera and joined a club. Did that for a few years, and found that it wasnt me. I picked up music again started playing, joined a ukulele club, then a guitar club, and found that WAS still me. But i had to try on some old clothes to see what still fit.
And those things (and others) were very social. I had to sort of force myself to get out amongst ‘em, or i would have stared at the four walls untill i died.
At 62, broke, and in not so good health, my romantic stock value is pretty low. But after a few years of working with one woman, i started to realize that this part of my life was also still alive. I am not likely to be involved in another relationship, but it is not because ive lost interest, or dont enjoy the sexual energy in a good relationship with a good woman friend. And i have one where that makes sense.
All these things and more make me happy. There is no magic answere or method. But there is work to do. And it will take the time it takes.
But it will come, first drop by drop after a drought, then slight sprinkles, and eventually you will again get a cloudburst of joy.
Not all the time, but enough.
I was divorced and a single parent and am still single and have been for most of my adult life.
What God taught me through this is that happiness is not based on what or who you have but in who you become as you allow Him to build and created in you the gifts and talents he has given you and fall in love with yourself. When you do this you will discover that happiness is and always will be an inside job.
If you are not happy with the person you are nothing God gives you will make you happy. And quite honestly God will withhold His best he has for us until we come to the place of understanding this and instead of seeking happiness become happiness as we fall in love with God and ourselves and seek to live the life He has designed for us.
It took me many years to learn that God does not give His best until we are ready to receive His best and as long as we focus only on our self and our own desires we will never get there. Give your dreams to God and seek His will for your life and ask Him what it is He wants to teach you through this and watch your life unfold with a deep abiding joy that nothing else will ever satisfy.
My thoughts and prayer for you is that it won't take you as long to learn this truth as it did me so you can see more than you ever dreamed of being given to you as your focus turns to live out God's purpose for you instead of your own.
Matthew 6:33 King James Version (KJV)
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
According to His will and purpose for your life as you walk in obedience to His word.
I'm 76, twice divorced, single and I'm having the best time of my life! I have a lovely house in a small, arts-oriented town on the mid-North coast of New South Wales where the climate is rated as the best in the country. I've been a full-time writer (27 books published) since I retired (several of the books written while I was still a suit-wearing corporate executive) and over the years, I've developed a reputation as a publisher of other people's books, 76 so far and highly in demand. I have friends all over the world and spend a huge amount of time on Skype talking to them, friends come and visit, I visit them. One of those friends has been in that position for 62 years, since high school, many of them are of 30,40, 50 or more years duration. Many of my books have been written as projects with schoolkids, where I run a series of workshops over several weeks and draw out of the kids the story lines, the characters, the twists in the plot, their imaginations blow me away and these projects have been the most fun I have ever had.
So, summary - friends, closeness, warmth, a young mind, a healthy living environment, an active, creative mind and adequate financial security (without being rich).
Recipe to Happiness
• Positive (Thinking & Attituted)
• Loving & Caring
Secret to Happiness is something everyone want to know, but seem to unable to keep it for a long time just like food tht we eat. The only way we can keep it in our mind, heart & soul is by following this method. Starting with Smile where ever we go or look at ppl around us smile to them. Then add in giving, sharing & helping mix is all together make the best taste.
Important ingredient must not forget positive thinking & attitute which keep happiness stay & hold on longer. Add in kindness & patient which keep the happiness smooth n steady. Last touch must add all the rest ingredient but is up to you how much u want to add the last 4 ingredient has 4 different taste but the result is all the same. Without these 4 ingredient the happiness would be incomplete.
Enjoy ur happiness.
When my wife informed me she wanted a divorce, I sat in a room alone and cried. By the following morning I went to the bank and transferred 50% of my assets into a separate account. I called my investment brokerage firm and divided half of my stock investments into a separate account.
These actions allowed me to make my own financial decisions. It gave me a feeling of independence. With this feeling I was creating a financial and social life of my own. It gave me the confidence to live in the real world on my own terms.
It wasn't a comfortable situation but one that was necessary to see exactly where I stood financially. This allowed me the confidence to be more socially open to women I was attracted to. Getting back into the social world made me happier. The financial changes I implemented allowed me to become completely debt free. This makes me really happy.