How can a parent make sure that the child is fine while dealing with a parents divorce? What questions should be asked and how much should the child know?
Having dealt with this in my own life in many ways I will share with you what I believe God has taught me about this matter.
1. Children should never be involved in adult matters, the parents need to discuss these things between themselves. Children deserve and need to be children and have both parents support this by acting like adults and handling adult issues.
2. Children did not divorce the parents did, and children should have the full support and love as always from both parents, and if this is provided on a regular basis this is the best way to help the child deal with the divorce successfully. They will never be fully okay with it as you can't expect them to be, they came into the world with 2 parents loving each other and loving them that is the way God designed our homes to be. Sadly this does not always happen and thus the child must navigate this circumstance and the parents need to do so with wisdom keeping the child's needs first and foremost.
3. What your child needs to know depends on their age and maturity. Most of what they need to know is that both parents will always be there for them and love them as they always have, and work together to parent them and resolve the issues that come up in a way that is best for them. They need to know that in no way is this divorce their fault, that they have done nothing to cause it and for them, nothing will change that both parents may live in separate homes but they will still be devoted to raising them together.
4. Never, Never condemn the other parent to the child. If there are issues between the parents you need to discuss them between yourselves, but always support the love from the other parent to your child. They need you both, and they will learn from you both. There is no perfect parent, and while things the other parent may say or do that is not in the best interest of the child do not criticize that parent to your child for their sake. If it becomes that a parent due to abuse or addiction is no longer able to parent in a healthy way that too needs to be handled between the courts and the parents.
I have included this link that gives a couple more points and examples that I hope you will find helpful with some excellent points to help you avoid serious consequences of divorce for your children. The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children