How did your children cope with divorce?

Surprisingly not as good as I thought since they were older. My oldest hadn't lived at home for over 10 years. My middle was not in the country and my youngest was almost finished with high school.

The oldest kept saying they always thought they'd have a wife and kids to bring home for the holidays. That was surprising, he's a guy. It was sentimental and I loved that, but it made me feel really bad. Out of the country I didn't get to talk to my middle child. I was told later it was really hard but friends and faith made it better. I don't think it really did in the long run. It was never dealt with so healing didn't really happen. My youngest was already up and down at that age. It turned their world upside down and life's never been the same. There was a lot of head games and manipulation by the ex. I was shocked at the things he did. I think the manipulative things the ex did the years divorce was dragged out and the persistence to be in control and all that is why my kids still aren't fully who they were prior to that. Parents should always put the kids first. They should never manipulate, lie, use the kids and be so selfish they don't make the kids happiness and well-being first and foremost at all times. As a mom, I can't comprehend what I witnessed and still see. It's sick and nothing is more important than the happiness of a child. We had no reason to drag the divorce out. We didn't own anything at the time, there was nothing much to split. I even settled for less to end it. Keep the money, I don't care, just leave my kids alone and get out of my life. The leaving my kids alone has still not been something that's been done. I can't make that right and it isn't right. Nothing, even if you're hurting, should ever control you so bad that you don't think about your children first. Most kids become bait and/or are forgotten about. They become shadows and that's unfair and wrong. When you have children, you're responsible to love them, raise them and teach them right from wrong. You're not suppose to set bad examples and neglect them. Buying them things isn't parenting, they are human, not pawns. Their worth and value can't be bought. It can only be taught by loving examples. Kids see and hear it all, so if you're set on doing whatever you can to try and hurt your spouse, then you're teaching them what anger and spite is. You also let them feel you don't care about anything in their lives. People need to stop and remove themselves from the situation, the pain, anger and all that is going on so they can see the bigger picture. Be fair and honest with yourself so you can do what's best for the person you once loved enough to marry and those kids. And then be adult enough to do it and bite your tongue, try to forgive and let those kids know they are going to be okay. Then make their lives be as easy to adapt to the transition and the future as you can. Life goes by too fast to waste energy being nasty or getting even. It doesn't make anyone happier. If it does, you may want to think about how that makes your life happy or peaceful in any way. Remember, you can't control anyone but yourself. It doesn't matter if your spouse doesn't choose to take the high road or be decent and kind. That's on them. AND, they can't have half the control or power they want when you're being decent and acting as you should. The kids will see this and learn by your choices. They will know what it is like if you chose to be nice and take high road; and what it's like when someone doesn't. If your spouse chooses to act a fool they learn the affects of that misery too. Teaching and loving the kids and wanting their lives to have as little trauma is what good parents are supposed to do.


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