How to ask my husband about his past affairs without offending him

I would probably revise this answer if I knew whether the affairs were during your marriage or during his marriage to someone else, previously. Also, have you discussed them before? (That is, does he know that you know?) What are your feelings about the affairs?

I think the direct approach is best.

"I'd like to know about your past affairs."

"Do you mind telling me about the affairs you've had?"

You could provide structure

"How many affairs have you had,

....who were they with,

...how long did they last,

...what were they like?"

Also, I don't know why he would be offended if you asked. Maybe defensive or evasive. Usually people feel offended when accused of something they didn't do, or something they value is disparaged, or they are excluded from some kind of unkindly or unfairly. Having affairs is usually considered an offensive thing to do. In about a third of the 50 states, it is against the law.

This is a list of 17 states where cheating is illegal, along with the fines and prison terms. It came from Women's Day. 16 States Where You Can Get That Cheating Jerk Thrown in Jail

1. Arizona

Getting it on with someone other than your spouse is a Class 3 misdemeanor here, punishable by up to 30 days behind bars. And not only will the spouse be penalized but also the other person (now that's justice!).

2. Florida

In a place where bathing suits are the dress code, how can eyes not wander? Still, he should keep his hands to himself: Floridian adulterers can spend up to two months in jail and be charged up to $500.

3. Kansas

"Intercourse or sodomy" with someone other than your spouse is a Class C misdemeanorhere, punishable by up to a month in jail and a fine of up to $500. Remember, Kansas couples: There's no place like home.

4. Illinois

Frank Sinatra probably wouldn't consider Chicago "His Kind of Town" if he knew about this state law. The consequences for adultery in Illinois is up to a year in jail for both cheaters.

5. Massachusetts

Straying in the Bay State is a wicked bad idea. It's considered a felony with a fine of up to $500 and a jail sentence of up to three years.

6. Oklahoma

If Oklahoma native Dr. Phil's anti-cheating advice doesn't persuade him, perhaps this will: Not only do adulterers face fines of up to $500 but also incarceration for up to five years.

7. Idaho

The penalty for cheating in Idaho is no small potatoes: Adultery is a felony that comes with a fine of up to $1,000 and as much as three years in jail.

8. Michigan

It's a felony and a Class H offense to two-time your spouse here, but the price for your crime is "jail or other intermediate sanction," according to the State of Michigan Sentencing Guideline Manual. With an unclear consequence like that, it's not worth it to succumb to temptation.

9. Wisconsin

Cheating cheeseheads better be rich. Those caught may need to cough up a whopping $10,000. Oh, and the possible three years behind bars doesn't sound fun, either.

10. Minnesota

The law for adultery in Minnesota is just as cold as the state itself. If you're caught cheating, you can be fined up to $3,000 and imprisoned for as long as a year.

11. Utah

We're not sure how the state's famous polygamists are free men, but infidelity can land you a sentence of up to 6 months with a fine of up to $1,000.

12. New York

Sleeping around in the city that never sleeps, or anywhere else in the Empire State, for that matter, could result in as long as 3 months of jail time.

13. Mississippi

Vow-breakers better pray the system treats its inmates to Southern hospitality. TheMississippi statutes say that cheaters "shall be fined in any sum not more than $500 each, and imprisoned in the county jail not more than six months."

14. Georgia

Be a peach to your partner to avoid a fine of up to $1,000 or a jail sentence of up to a year.

15. South Carolina

Cheating here can send you to the slammer for anywhere from six months to a year, or could get you a fine between $500 to $1,000.

16. North Carolina

This southern state isn't as hard on their cheaters. The unfaithful spend no more than 30 days in lockup.

And then there's Maryland:

Where you could go on a movie date or cheat on your spouse for the same price. The fine for betraying your beloved is only $10 here.


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