How to save a woman from her husband who physically abuses and assaults her

There are a few things that make a person stay with their abuser.

  1. They could be stuck in the abuse - reconciliation - honeymoon period - tension - abuse cycle.
  2. They could be dependent on the abuser: financially or otherwise.
  3. They might be terrified and just not have the physical, mental or emotional strength to leave.
  4. Or simply, they could be in love.

The reason may be any one or a combination of the above reasons. It is generally hard to tell. There, sometimes, is a point where the fine line between these reasons blend, as well.

There may be many more reasons for why someone stays with their abuser, but I'm going to elaborate these and explain how you can try to help someone that is being abused to get out.

1. The vicious cycle

Everything is wonderful in the beginning. Until something bad happens. Tension builds up. And the abuse happens. The abuser sometimes calms down and apologizes, promising never to let that happen again; or, in some other cases, the abuser makes the victim believe that it was the victim's fault that the abuse happened. This is followed by a period where things return to normal temporarily, and the abuser generally takes care of the victim pretty decently for a bit, until something else causes tension to build up, and.... you know what happens next.

The victim often doesn't recognize this cycle. The period where the abuser is nice to the victim, the victim feels joy and gets a false sense of security and hope. The victim doesn't realize that until it happens all over again, and when it does happen again, the abuser makes the same old promises, gives the same hope again, and the victim buys it again.

In such a case, I would advice you to make the victim realize this is cyclic and understand the abuse pattern.

Once the victim understands that the abuse is never going to stop, they may change their mind about staying with their abuser.

2. Dependency

One of the most common reasons for a person to stay with someone that is abusing them is that they are dependent on their abuser.

The victim might be a home maker or a person who doesn't have a source of income to support themselves.

Also, the abuser and the victim, in many cases, have children together. The victim generally has no idea how to support the children without the abuser. The victim may also have no clue about how to get away from the abuser without making a mess out of it and dragging their children through it. Legal procedures cost money, and time and tend to take a toll on the children. These things are big reasons according to the victim, sometimes.

In either case, the victim has no means of supporting themselves, and hence find it tough to leave their abuser.

In my opinion, in such cases, if you can help the victim become independent, give them reason to believe that they can survive without their abuser, they will find it easier to choose to leave their abuser.

3. The victim has no strength to leave.

To understand this point, we've got to understand how the abuser and the twisted mind of the abuser works.

The abuser might be physically strong, and might be physically preventing the victim from leaving by beating them or holding them captive. The simplest solution to this would be to call the police. That is the easiest and the most effective thing to do. There are many NGO's that help abuse victims. You can contact them as well.

Another thing that all abusers inevitably do is break their victims mentally and emotionally. Victims tend to feel terrified, helpless, worthless, incapable, lonely, weak, are edgy, timid, depressed, filled with self doubt and suffer from extremely low self esteem, and end up believing they're not good or strong enough and that no one wants them or nobody will believe them. The abuser makes the victim believe all that so they think they're incapable of surviving without the abuser. The abuser often also makes sure that the victim is cut off from all other support, doesn't let them interact with people much, constantly supervising their interactions, constantly controlling their victims and in one way or another, forcing the victim to stay isolated.

If you come across an abuse victim, make sure you convey to them (not tell, convey: so that it is registered in their mind) that they can feel safe with you, and even if they don't feel strong right now, you can help them get all the support they need to be free and happy again. It takes a lot of effort to come back from this kind of mental and emotional abuse, but therapy will definitely help. The most important thing is that the victim should understand that they're being abused, they don't deserve it and that they can choose to leave the abuser.

This is the toughest bit. But it is imperative.

4. "Love"

If the victim fancies themselves in love with their abuser, they're, in all likelihood, mentally and emotionally unstable. They need a lot of therapy. Contact their family or authorities that can help them.

Sometimes, that's all you can do. Such victims are on a path to self-destruction. Sometimes, no amount of talking or arguing with such victims works. The best you can do is ask someone that is close to them or a professional to help them.


I hope this was helpful.


I hope whoever you're trying to help gets all the love and support they require to make it through the ordeal.
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