How do psychopaths realize they are psychopaths?

I knew I was different from the time I was a child. We had a family cat for years that used to crawl into my bed every night and lay on my arm and lick my face. When she passed away, my whole family cried but I felt nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I didn't cry at my grandfather's funeral, I don't cry at funerals.

I am very awkward when it comes to comforting people in times of need because I personally despise the bs "thoughts and prayers" route or the "everything happens for a reason" bunk.

I'm a womanizer but terrible at relationships. I enjoy the chase but after sex the first time, I immediately lose interest and can't wait to get you out of my place.

This is happening right now with a woman that I've always admired over the past decade, we recently started hooking up and all the feelings I thought I felt for her are falling away.

A feeling that is incredibly depressing.

I want to fall in love with her, to care about her, to be there for her but I don't feel anything at all.

I started looking into the reason for this severe lack of empathy, took the tests, saw the therapist etc etc etc.

Just to try to fit in.

Being a psychopath doesn't mean you're a complete unfeeling monster, I have no problem destroying people who deserve it, (ie who have hurt other people), but being older now, I do my best to be nice to people who are genuinely nice people. The old man who says dumb jokes at the local gas station doesn't deserve to feel my wrath, despite the fact that he is annoying, he hasn't harmed me so I tolerate him.

The neighbors are just doing the best they can and don't complain when I box my punching bag so I let it go when their baby girl cries for 3 hours while I'm trying to read in the morning.

My life is constantly a series of checks and balances. The more I learn about being a psychopath, the more I can adjust myself to living with it.

I feel that most psychopaths are not inherently bad, they just eventually run out of the willpower it takes to be nice to the world around them and the real person comes out.


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