How do we know if someone is manipulating us?
do you agree to something yet feel uneasy about it?
do you suddenly look back at something and realize you rushed into a situation or a commitment?
are you trying to convince yourself of something you did as being the right choice?
do you have regrets of decisions you made involving another person?
have you done things your normally wouldn't based on your morals?
if you answered yes to any of these, chances are you are being manipulated.
you should never compromise your values for anyone else. if someone is pushing you into something you arent comfortable with. stand up for yourself and say no.
It doesn't matter if someone is trying to manipulate you. Don't focus on other people, focus on yourself. You need to make the right choice for you because you are responsible for that choice. You alone will be left with the consequences (good or bad) of that choice.
Try to remove yourself from the situation especially any emotions involved. Take time to think, is this what I want and need in my life? List out pros and cons. Does this choice align with my values and who I choose to be as a person? Is this a good choice long term, short term or both? Then make the choice that will make you happy. Not of all your choices will be the right decision, that's okay. Learn from it and use it to make a better decision next time. Know what makes you happy.
I will say watch out for toxic people: People who mock you - red flag. People who pressure you to make a quick decision - red flag. If I feel pressured to make a quick decision, the answer is always no. Remove these people from your life completely. You will be amazed at the change in your happiness level when you do.
You mean , like : ´how do you know when you are allowing yourself to get manipulated by X ?`
I could make a list of countless signs this is taking place , all would be equally irrelevant, since , being extremely honest - you already know them all, you simply choose to absorb them into the moment you´re caught in and surrender yourself high above any signs ,warnings or others´s - yeah, we love it, it´s actually great , well , granted you do not find yourself waking up to assess some huge damage done while you were caught in your ´manipulative stupour` ... eventually one snaps out of it . Or not .
So many people who wouldn´t be able to catch a cab without a ´manipulator` in their lives .
Like a drug Sha la la
I get a vibe that something's not right although in general you can pick up on these cues.
I manage to pick up on it subconsciously although I'm a manipulative person and this is what I do to manipulate someone. So watch out for these.
When I want something, I ask months in advance and I'm honest. Usually the first answer is no.
Then you ask again a little while later right after you think they've forgotten about it, this time bring up a good reason for whatever you're asking. This shows you really want it.
Leave it with them and then ask again later although with less of a wait in between, they need to think about it for a while and then ask again while they've brought up the thoughts themselves.
This time bring up another reason and you might get shot down again. Then you bring up a compromise, something that doesn't suit he situation but makes you both happy. They should agree. Then you continue the conversation and bring up the cons about the compromise and ask if those are fine and now you should fully back the compromise and genuinely be excited for it.
Later on when you're preparing for whatever decision you've made the person you're trying to persuade usually goes with my original idea because the compromise isn't the best quality they can have.
Takes time although I'm happy.
Another form of manipulation is when you need something ASAP.
I usually target guys to be honest, it's in they're geans to be the bread winner so you can definitely tap into these skills. Be extra nice but then flip it on them (so they don't think you're fake) and attack them with a silly question, something like "are you gonna rob me though?" The situation will be so unexpected with the way you flip that they won't want to look like they can't help you or want to prove that they won't rob you.
One gem I use when someone's blowing up at me via text I don't respond. People don't expect this because they put so many points into whatever they sent. So I don't respond, people usually follow up with another message after they've realised you're not busy.. you just don't want to reply. It makes them think they've done something very wrong. I had a situation and the girl literally said "why didn't you reply?" Which leaves it open for me to say exactly what they don't want to hear although they asked for it, it's not a defence.
I usually just don't ever respond to angry messages.. it makes people look bad. "I sent x a message telling them what everyone really thinks about them" "and what did x say back??" "Nothing.." bam. The accuser is the bad guy and no one argues it.
The other person's intentions don't matter. If you are focusing on them, your focus is in the wrong place. Realize that your needs should be more important to you than the needs of others. Know what you stand for and what lines you are unwilling to cross. Set and enforce boundaries for the type of people you are willing to allow into your life. If someone violates your boundary, let them know that their actions are not acceptable. If they do it again, cut them out of your life.
- When you find yourself doing something you don't actually want to but have to for ‘better' reasons.
- When somebody has convinced you that it's for ‘You', when you don't see it but gradually start believing it.
- When it's always "Your fault!"
- When you are constantly feeling bad about the person you are.
- When your actions are ‘indirectly' benefiting them.
- A lot of emotions involved.
- Can get aggressive, then calm and then will try to explain you the situation where they will completely ignore their actions and if you try to point at them, they will again use emotional reasoning to control you and you will have no way left apart from agreeing with them.
- The best way to find out is when they're manipulating a third person in front of you. You can notice the patterns, tonation, choice of words, emphasis on emotions etc.
- If you can comfortably reject offers from this person then fine but if even the idea of rejecting throws you in stream of anxiety than you have some thinking to do.
Watch the beginning of your news feed on FaceBook. It will tell you in the next few days.
Think about it. Are you always doing things the other person wants but you don't? Is the other person controlling? Were any of your decisions made because he or she used influence or suggestibility? Are you weak, and have a desire to please other people, even if it comes at the cost of subjugating your desires? Are you too agreeable? Really accomplished manipulators plant a seed and wait for you to cultivate it without you even knowing it. Then they convince you it was your idea. Be aware of this. Theses are signs for calculating and shrewd behavior, you just need to notice them.