How does a covert narcissist act in marriage?
It wasn't until years after I left that even heard the word narcissist. I had no clue I was married to one and for about 10 years. The majority of our time We were both active duty and were apart more than the average couple. Which made it easy to romanticize the good times and rationalize the bad. A narcissists abuse is slow. Methodical.., goes unnoticed until your neck deep in toxins.
When we met our morals, values and goals were inline. We were a perfect match. Except it wasn't real. It was an act.
It wasn't until we were both out and home that the real him came out and life truly became unbearable.
This was him:
Destructive conditioning .
Unable to handle any form of criticism
Appearance were everything to him.
Entitled. Self important.
Above the rules.
nothings his fault. perpetual victim.
No real personality. Only watched, listened to, talked about, and attended sports themed entertainment. avoided conversing about anything of substance
refused to participate in anything that might inspire any type of emotion or anything that we enjoyed that wasn't about him. And would pout if we brought it up.
Liar to the core of his being.
Alcoholic. Couldn't have fun without drinking. Falling down blackout drunk so His fun ruined everyone else's.
Over ate to the point it made me nauseous to watch. Constantly Gorging himself until spring then ged start starving himself and running to get ready??! For summer. He forgot we were old. Lol.
Convenient memory loss to avoid responsibility for his behavior.
Only apologized as a form of manipulation
zero insight to his own behavior.
Helped others only to tell everyone exactly how he helped them.
Passive agressive & Childish. Would pout. Silent treatment as a way to punish me for holding him accountable. (Does that even make sense?!)
Mimick. Complete fake. Would hijack and repeat my conversations, stories and jokes, verbatim. as if they were his. repeatedly until it was painful to listen to.
Sucked the fun and joy out of every day trip, vacation, holiday, anything we were excited about he would find a way to make it all about him by over reacting and losing his temper just to pout and ignore us. He had ti have control even forgetting something in the car while we are already inside the theme park. would make him explode just to pout and ignore us the entire day. Every single time.
Talked bad about everyone (even His kids)never had anything positive to say.
Uncomfortable stare. He thought it was sexy. It was not.
Controlling. Controlled our $$ even though we both made good money. We could only buy what he approved of. Clothes shopping only when he wanted to go so he could monitor spending. I was only "allowed" to get the same groceries each time. The ones he wanted.
We only vacationed where he wanted. in vegas. Everytime. And everytime he found a way to lose his temper and ignore me. Every time for at least 1 of the days.
Soul sucker. It was subtle but over time we no longer celebrated anything I cared about or anything about me. My Birthday. Mother's Day. Christmas. We're spent how he wanted or he'd Get pissed and pout ruining the rest of the day.
The only good times were in the beginning and those were faked by him.
I realize now Slowly chipped away at who I was. I didn't even realize it at the time. The backhanded compliments, irrational jealously, picking fights, insults delivered as "jokes" And the non stop bitching and complaining ......just kept increasing. Everything I liked & enjoyed were belittled. I only stopped doing them to get him to shut up. He hated that I enjoyed anything that he wasn't a part of.
I realized years after I left, the man I fell in love with didn't exist.
The charming qualities shared above ...that's the nightmare of a human he really is. It's who he was before I met him, who he was while we were married, and who he is today and will always be.
Just An empty shell pretending to be someone he's not and can never be. a con lying to trick women into a liking him. being everything she told him she needed like a chameleon he becomes what he needs to be to achieve his goal . Ultimately discarding her once he wins. she never matter. Just another conquest. Next.