How does it feel to be in a 'live-in relationship' in India?
I and my Gf are living together from the last 6 months. Before that, we were in on off relation for at least 1 year. Below is my experience:
- Lots of Sex: Yes, now we do lots of sex whenever we want to do. Earlier, we have to find places, hotels, now this thing is sorted.
- Mutual Understanding: Now we both know each other very well. I know what irritates her, likewise, she also knows my mood swings.
- Respect: As an individual, now I respect her a lot.
- Food: We don't have a kitchen set up in our room so we need to order food daily. Now, no show-off. We both order whatever we like.
- Cleanliness: This is for me. I have to take 2 times bath whatever the temperature outside. The room, floor, tables everything looks immaculate.
- TV/Netflix/Amazon prime choices: I am a big fan of Hollywood tv series while she is a fan of Savdhan India kinda series. Now, I have also started viewing those series.
- Lots of Hair everywhere: Now, I can see lots of hair everywhere. Sometimes it irritates me. But the best thing, it does not long last.
- Dresses: I am 3 t-shirt 2 jeans guy (In a week). Now I have to wear different dresses daily.
- Personal Time: Sometime, I miss my personal time. I used to read, watch my favorite shows but now, I do not find time for all this.
- Marriage Pressure: Now, every day at least two times she says for marriage. If I will say no, I will lose her.
- Love: She has proposed me but I still do not have the feeling for her. I respect, like her a lot, but I do not love her. I have told this to her which makes our entire day bad.
- Personal Space: As we have 1 RK, sometimes I don't get time for my activities. Though I don't say her, sometimes, I just want to live alone. That thing I miss a lot.
So now, I am in a very difficult state because if I say No to her for marriage, I will lose her completely. If I say yes, then it will be a big lie.
Edit 1: Ranting starts. It's okay. Between, some more points about us:
- We both were in relationships in past to some other persons. I was ditched by the girl where I was seriously in love and she ditched one guy and later ditched by another.
- Living together decision was mutual. Sex is also always consensual and mutual.
- Yes, I do like and respect her but yes, a lifetime commitment seems to be a big decision for me now.
- You are free to make any opinion about me but I did not cheat her and never going to do in future as well.
- Love is a very big term for me. I do not say it just for the sake of. Once I will say it, I know all responsibility.
Edit 2: I can understand guys for many of you sex is a very big thing as your comments/thinking is just revolving around that only. Between, I am not with her for sex. She is more than that for me. Moreover, we both are above 30 and I have mentioned clearly my thought over love to her. So, no one is helpless here or using someone.
This is a very complex emotional situation which I believe not everyone can understand, especially when you see a girl as a sex object only.
Edit 3: Explaining you guys(Comments section) seems to be complete rubbish as it seems sex is the only thing which you lose when you end a relationship with a girl. THIS IS REALLY SAD.
When you live together, you become used too of so many small things, like we never eat separately, we always have our morning tea together, like in her periods, when she was in pain(cramp), I also cried literally and took 2 days leave just to be with her, we cook together, dishes together, when I have a bad day in the office, we both used to go for a walk, vice versa, and many other little things.
You guys completely ignored the emotional connection. Not your fault. As I mentioned, not everyone can understand it.
But, You guys will never understand all this because, for you, sex is the only thing which a girl can give a guy.
Sorry to say, Except a few comments, I found most of the comments very immature and insensitive. After reading, I feel, immature and insensitive peoples are commenting over such a sensitive and emotional topic.
In the end, God bless you guys.
For your concerns, Trust me, I know her more than you, the day I will say I love you too to her, then only she will also proceed for the marriage thing. Without listening to these words, she is also not going to marry me.
So cool down the temperature. We both are mature and adult enough to sort out this.
No more insensitive, immature advice with the disparaging language required.
Edit 4: This is for Dr Rajeev Tyagi comment. Thank you very much. To Love, is a decision". Feeling follows. This is really a new perspective which I was not aware.
And in my case, I think, this is what needed. Between, This thought gave me a new way to think about it: Right now I am running from marriage and Love, but I think I should take a decision, A decision to Love her, and rest I need to leave to GOD.
In past, I was in a serious relationship (9 years long), where my partner cheated me. After that, Love and commitment lost meaning in my life. It became very difficult for me to trust wholeheartedly to someone, as the past always haunts me.
For me, words/commitments matter a lot. That is the reason when it comes to commitment/marriage, I scare a little because i believe, false promises are more dangerous.
Moreover, we both were in USA/Canada (I was in the USA, She was in Canada) for 3 years where sometimes, we shared the house with our Indian friends(Girl/boys) to save expenses. We all have done this there. Many students who go there for higher studies, also, do this, irrespective of how conservative are their families in India.
I know in India, these things are all new and very hard to digest for many people. Between, That is the reason, why live in does not bother us much.
Bw, I need to let go my past experiences. Thanks for your Comment. It really helped.