I don't want to do anything in life. I don't want to die either. How bad is this?
This is not just your situation, this happens with everyone. You are just brave enough to admit it and ask a question here. It requires a very clear head to look at the futility of all that is happening around. Almost everyone we see is busy achieving their goals, fulfilling their ambitions, there is hardly anyone who sees the absurdity in chasing one thing after another.
First of all, congratulations that you have come to this! Now we can see if there is really anything worth doing in life. Here I would like to introduce you to this wonderful blog by Acharya Prashant - Words into Silence. I have been lucky enough to have come across something really beautiful.
You say you don't want to do anything and at the same time you say you don't want to die. Here is an excerpt from the blog mentioned above by Acharya Prashant. This is what he says on our desire to continue living:
The brain only wants its continuation in time. That's why every organism is eager to ensure its own survival. How? By eating and protecting itself first of all and secondly, by proliferating, by producing more and more kids. That is what the brain wants because the brain has been travelling in time and it also wants to continue travelling in time. That is the law of duality – that the future is the projection of the past.
That is what the brain wants, to keep travelling in time. All its constituents are in time. That is why at a certain age you start feeling this impulse to reproduce. The sexual attraction is nothing but that, the tendency of the brain to ensure its survival and continuation in time. And what is time? Time is nothing but that which is contained here (pointing at the brain). Time is the human mind.
Do we ever bother to ask what is time and what is space? Or else you have just taken it for granted that I know time. What is time? Time is the property of the mind. Space and time is the property of the mind. You see time, you see space because your brain and mind have been configured to look at that way. They don't exist independently of your mind.
This brain always exists in time and it is always projecting the future. What basis does it have to project the future? Just the past. So, while we keep thinking that we are dreaming of a new future and that's what all of us think, we all want a new future, a great new future and we use terms like new ideas, new future. The fact of the matter is that all timely projections of the brain are based entirely upon the past and there is no new thought, no new idea, no new future.
~ Acharya Prashant
You can read the full article at: What is the purpose of life?
Also, I've been reading this amazing book named: "Advait in Everyday Life" by Acharya Prashant. This book addresses similar questions like the one you have posted above. I'm sure you will have a great time reading through it.
No matter whatever happens, this book is always by my side. This book has really helped me understand myself better. Several times during the day I open random pages of this book and magically it has the answer to the exact thing going on in my head. Simply Amazing!
Everything written in this book is so practically implementable, has a beautiful flow and is very intimately related to my life. Has greatly helped me to look at my life with a lot of clarity. The message is so profound yet the words used are so simple!
Am totally amazed at the clarity with which the speaker has so effortlessly related with the daily life of an average reader. Wow!
Would recommend this book to you if you're looking for some Magic in Life!
Here is the Book. Have a look:
(I'm 20 ive been feeling the same exact way)
I believe that it's normal to feel this way but at the same time, its not good to have it for life since your in it. I went through the same, I actually barely passed high school and got on probation in college Twice! Everyone I knew would say it seem like I have no sense of direction in life or ambition but I've been like that since I was 7–10. I believe school was making me feel less motivated, being forced to digest repetitive information that didn't allow me to make human connection frustrated me. I'm not a parrot, I felt like school was ironically making people in general dumb and not having a mind and creativity of their own. Instead watching other experiences and wonder why our ancestors surpass most in talents but it's suppose to be the other way around. Systems is what put crutches on human beings free will and instincts tells you that you don't opperate like a robot instead make mental connections in your own way.
Its not that we are lazy but don't find passion in anything because we feel like if it doesn't benefit me then why should I do it. That's NORMAL! If anyone just works their ass off to only have 0 benefits then that person is stupid and crazy. Most employees will quit their jobs if they know their not getting paid. Vice versa same with us emotionally. You wonder why you can stay up all night watching a good show compare to a boring documentary? Because the show relates to your feel good emotions more and you can relate to it in someway. I hate it so much when people judge someone who is not as hard working that they are just fixed to be lazy like that and there is something wrong. Well if it is then find the reason!! Many lack emotional intelligence when they say thing like this. If you don't believe something will benefit you if you do it or if you just don't believe you can do something, you won't do it because as logical beings we don't work that way. A fish wouldnt try to climb a tree, because it's stupid and pointless to the fish. Even if the fish could climb it what's the benefit in it, the fish is 100x more likely to continue swimming in the water he naturally loves and was born to do. Its even been studied that majority of highly intelligent people share the trait of being misunderstood as lazy but it's not that their lazy , just that they put more energy and focus to their own projects and personal works on their own time. Amazing artist of any kind look tired on a daily basis because they spend hours of mental strain making pictures in their head. Thinking is work too! (Uses 20% of energy of your body) so nobody is completely lazy.
My advise would be to find your zeal again by focusing less on the system and more on your creative side which will in return make you want to do something and even surpass the system society created to make clones. Any thought you have or had that excited you do it for once or again. Once your in tune a little with your interest find a someone else who has the same interest, you guys will then be bonded and have something to build on together, and lastly believe because if you don't believe anything New will happen and amazing things will come you most likely won't feel motivated and just quit again.
Just remember ordinary water that repeatedly pours or taps on a rock consistantly ends up breaking it apart and shaping it. So no matter what the situation looks like even your motivation, if you consistently try to make it better eventually you will be the most influential person in everyone's lives and people that once look at you like nothing will feel like they are not doing what they want and make the same step you made when you felt like you didn't want to do anything, being genuinely honest with yourself unlike most. I hope you become someone great in the future.
10 years, huh? That's some commitment!
I'll come back to that later but if I were you, this is what I'd do: I'd pack a backpack and start traveling for up to a year.
There are many ways to do it affordably, if money is a concern: au pairing, teaching ESL, volunteer work programs, using hostels, etc. I'm sure there are backpacking communities online you can link up with first as well.
If this is something that might interest you but you're too "out of it" to even do the research to get going, I bet Quorans will help you start the process. I know I would. I'll follow this topic, in case you do :)
The beauty of traveling is that, with little effort, it will take you out of your head - new currencies, new foods, new accents and people so you HAVE to pay more attention to everyday things.
I started traveling while I was in college (to Europe mostly) and I consider it one of the best educations I ever got. Off the top of my head, these are some places I'd go if I were in my early 20′s and in a 10-year funk.
- Manila (I've never been but everyone I know who have, loved it...plus Filipinos are some of the nicest people on earth!)
- Florence (one of the best cities for aimlessness, imo)
- Anywhere in Costa Rica
You have depression. You should find a therapist and/or a psychiatrist. When I was in my 20s, I often felt like I didn't know what to do with my life. That was my symptom, along with a sense of emptiness. After several false starts with therapists who had no idea what to do with me or how to communicate with me, I met a woman at a dinner party who was openly talking about seeing a Jungian analyst. I asked her about it and how she found her analyst and about a million intrusive questions, but I found out how to find an analyst and how to pay for it (sliding scale based on income). I went to the analyst and explained that I couldn't figure out what to do for a career and at 30 it was troubling because I kept changing careers and had gone back to school for a masters degree and yet still felt like I was stumbling around in the darkness.
She just kept talking to me, and asking me questions, and after some months or was it years, I'm not certain, I had to accept that my problem was a little deeper than I originally had thought. I had to change my world view, my relationship with my family and my understanding of everyone, but this just happened as I kept up the work on discovering myself. In the end, trying to figure out what to do was somewhat trivial.
A decade later I had a surgery that caused horrible side effects, and was the recipient of a post-surgical severe clinical depression brought on by the tortuous side effects. At that point, medication helped me. It was a very physical depression, and I can still recall the strange way the illness made me feel. It felt like someone had fired a shotgun and blown out my frontal lobe. My brain did not function. Things like bathing and dressing became overwhelming. A physical pain all over took over my life and the only relief was to lie in a darkened room for hours at a time. I couldn't talk, couldn't communicate, could barely feed myself. My parents figured out what was happening and picked me up and took me to their home and found a psychiatrist who was able to diagnose a severe clinical depression.
You don't have a severe clinical depression, but there are many ways that depression can present itself. And there are also experience we have growing up that we have to learn to deal with as we age.
The strange thing about difficult experiences is that you suffer for them later. When you are going through them, adrenaline and the need to survive keep you going. Later when you have a moment to process your experiences, that is when the hard part begins. Sometimes this presents as post traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes something less, but still our emotional experiences demand to be processed in some way at some time. Even if we don't realize it. Even if we don't want it. Even though it's not fair because surviving was tough enough, and we should be done with the experience because we survived. But that is not how our bodies work.
Whatever put you in this state of depression, whether it is experiences or chemical imbalances, you need help to get out and get healthy again. There are many kinds of help. Talk therapy can help. Medication can help. The important thing is that you keep searching for professional help until you find someone who listens to you and can communicate with you. You have to find the right person. Sometimes a doctor will dismiss you, or not understand. Don't let that discourage you. It's not you, it's them. They have an inability to connect with you. Keep looking. Don't ever give up. I have found help in some of the most unexpected places from unexpected people.
I wish you to find everything good that you deserve because good is what you deserve.
Peace and love.
Honestly. Its not BAD. Though I can say, 10 years is a lot of time.! It is not something to be ashamed of or be guilty of. It is, however, a matter of concern.
1. Try to search and find your interests. It is often when we are not doing something which interest us, we end up doing it half heartedly. And after a while, It takes a toll on our health and happiness. All of it seems like a pile of burden and soon enough we are pressed under this huge load.
Therefore, it is better to follow your interests, indulge in something which makes you happy and proud of yourself.
2. The best way to do this? FIND YOURSELF. Travel is one such way. Travel to different parts of the world, experience new exciting things, be adventurous, indulge your taste buds in some amazingly delicious cuisines, GO FREE!!!
Another way can be taking an year off from whatever you are doing currently. Indulge and involve in random activities and hobbies, be it, painting, sculpture, dance, music, cooking, speaking or reading club/committee etc. You can also involve yourself in some NGO or social activities. You might actually locate your hidden streak out there somewhere! Networking is also a wonderful means..be SOCIAL. INTERACT. DISCUSS. LISTEN. You will find so many people around the globe who might share your interests or problems! When you find yourself among the same group, it really helps to let go off the disturbances and troubles of your life.
3. MEDITATE. Close your eyes and sit straight. Think about nothingness. Take deep breaths. Slowly, let go off all the worries, all your negative thoughts, then, think about a particular moment or thing or activity which makes you HAPPY. Focus on that. Surround yourself with positivity. DREAM POSITIVE. This will help you find INNER PEACE. Once you are in peace with yourself, you will gradually overcome the obstacles of life! When I find myself at cross-roads or my mind is a clutter chaos of thoughts, I find my peace in a temple or a missionary. You can do the same. The place can be anywhere. Even your home. Provided it is a calm, silent and quiet environment.
4. All said and done, I would suggest you to go see a doctor once. Try discussing it with him/her. Though, I would strongly recommend for the above 3 methods.
I believe that what we lack is INNER PEACE .These 3 ways might not guarantee a 100% success rate in a fortnight, however, these will surely help you improve your perspective towards yourself and your life.
I hope I was able to help you in some way :) Take care!
Trust me or not, believe me or not you are doing something constantly and that death is certain. Even if you don't want to do anything in your life, you are doing, because you are thinking, making decisions, making choices, every single day until you are dead.
I can totally understand your feelings, you think you have lost in every area of life, including the small ones like school and college, but can you answer a question - What is failure? What are you considering failure? If you know or get the answers to these I would really want to know them. One thing I really want to say is that failing is not a bad thing, most of our society and surrounding connect failure with unhappiness, bad luck, destiny and blame the person whom they consider as failure for not making the results they wanted. I would really want to know are you the one who is trying to make results? And if so for others or to satisfy others? Certainly there's nothing wrong about living this way nor about any way. But, the point I see in living this way is you are unofficially giving others the choice of your feelings and emotions. They would say something you wouldn't like and you would feel bad, they would say something good and you would feel good.
I honestly think you haven't failed at any thing, you are choosing to think so and even if so, what's bad in failing? It's completely fine to fail, to make mistakes or to not fulfil what we expected from ourselves or others to us. It's fine. What matters is how you see it, do not give this thought any importance otherwise it would either make you feel bad or become a habit. Just do what you really feel like doing and are comfortable in, most of us don't have the choice to enter school as our parents, when we are little kids make us go to school, so you see you are thinking you failed in something you didn't decided yourself to take part in, or you weren't considering the fact because you were a kid. You did what you did. That's the only soothing and peaceful act I could discover till my life, do what you do, make the best experience out of it and stand, fall, run, sit, just do whatever you feel like doing. And if you feel comfortable in feeling sad, it's okay. No one should force someone to feel happy when they don't want to, so wouldn't I. The only thing you deserve is what you think you deserve. I would really like to have a conversation with you, as I have some questions I really wish to know from your perspective. Feel the way you want to feel, be the way you wish to be. Peace.