I want to marry a divorced girl and she's 7 years older to me, I love her a lot, how can I convince my Indian parents?

I loved and almost married a woman seven years older than myself, too. She was also divorced and came with a couple of kids. After that experience, I don't think I'd intentionally pursue a woman that's older ever again.

It's. Subtle. But even a day older than you messes with a woman's ability to respect you. Unlike looks, money, and status, the difference in age is something you never escape. It seeps into how family and friends view and treat you as well.

If you haven't been together for years and overcome many trials, what you have now is a very young and probably immature form of love, most likely infatuation. It's the most irrational and crazy state you could possibly be in for making relationship decisions. So let me ask you serious questions you need to answer honestly, and call yourself out if you know you're bending your answers to sound appropriate.

Do you sincerely want to have your own children, and are you immediately capable of supporting them?

If you are not immediately capable and she does want children, could you bear the responsibility of failing her that if it takes too long to be ready? If spending herself on you could have landed her a husband who was ready instead, could you forgive yourself? (I'm not sure what culture you both live in, but I wouldn't weigh this one as heavily if a 30+ divorced woman is a social pariah. In the US, she'd still have lots of options if she applied herself.)

Are you comfortable with all the things that make you uncomfortable not changing or taking decades to shift?

Would she respect you more if you were older, and if so, does the gap between where you are and where you would be bother you? How about when you realize that gap is the difference between you and her ex-husband?

Does she have any children with her ex-husband? If so, can you deal with being treated as "the younger man" any time there's interaction?

Ideally, none of this would matter. In a fair world, everything would be okay and you'd never have to deal with any of this... this is not that world. Make the most objective decisions you can, and then make the most of the one's you can't.

(For those who wish to criticize my decision not to pursue a woman even slightly older, that doesn't mean I wouldn't actually consider one. It does mean it's going to be factored in and balanced. The importance of it grows in relation to the difference and especially the treatment.)


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