In terms of dating, what was the biggest culture shock you experienced when you came to the U.S.?

People will have sex with you on the first interaction, but they'll probably regret it.

Or you will. I can't tell you how you'll feel, but I do know this: the American dating scene is a portrait of contrast.

On one hand, there's easy access culture - sweatpants and swiping and Netflix and chill and ghosting and everything else that accompanies hookup culture. Oh, and lots and lots of Pornhub.

But we're also a nation dictated to by our conservative Protestant roots - we often don't talk through sexual issues at home and receive inadequate sexual education.

Some Americans learn in school the only way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases is to wait until marriage until banging.

Or they're supposed to learn about abstinence, but I don't know how that boring-ass messaging is supposed to compete with Jason Mraz inviting us to nibble on his ear and Michael B. Jordan taking off his shirt or hell even Taylor Swift crooning about every romance to which she's ever set fire.

Needless to say, most everybody is still trying to boogie down. Sure some people have opted out entirely (more men then women).

But most are out there, wild and free, operating their genetials without license. I'd almost wish for mandatory after-school consent courses. I'd hate to get the DMV involved but, like a motor vehicle, people can really be hurt by the incorrect operation of moving genitals.

Like most of the world, Americans learn to be good sexual citizens by traumatizing the ever loving hell out of themselves and their partners.

We've got the distinct advantage of having the freedom and infrastructure to support niche support groups for LGBTQ people, sex addicts, and abuse survivors, as well as mixer and hobby groups which allow people to mingle with like-minded strangers.

Still, our relativity unenlightened mentality towards mating means that many people and most women are survivors of sexual assualt.

So yeah, having sex is really open and available but people are not always good at handling their feelings around it.

Going slowly seems out of fashion, but clearly conversations about expectations, emotions, and boundaries aren't exactly in style yet.

We're getting there.

If you're coming to America and are jumping into our dating culture for the first time, remember, it's important to have comfort - not just attraction - if you want to have sexual experiences you can look back at with joy in your heart (and a partner likely to call you back).

I talk about dating and relationships a lot in my stand-up - sign up for my mailing list for more info.

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Here's a photo of my partner and I! Dating is hard but so very worth it. We're coming up on three years together. Root for us!


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