Is it a bad idea to get back with an ex I dated 4 years ago?

One of the issues I address as a Professional Life Coach is helping people get back with their ex. It is based upon this experience that I am answering this question.

Q: "Is getting back with an ex ever a good idea? Four years later and I'm still thinking about him."

A lot of people want to get back with their ex. Welcome to the club.

Sometimes it's a good idea, while at other times it's a disastrous idea.

It's only a good idea if BOTH parties want to reconcile.

And it's a terrible idea if only one person wants to reconcile.

If you're still thinking about him four years after a breakup, then something is amiss.

To assess your chances of succeeding in this, I would need to know a couple of things:

  • Who initiated the breakup, and for which reason?
  • Was the decision to split a mutual one?
  • Are both of you currently single?
  • Are there children involved?

People tend to romanticize their pasts and apply a "selective memory" to events which have long ago passed.

It's pretty common to remember the good times (especially the sexually good times) while overlooking all the reasons for the breakup in the first place.

Often when someone is struggling with a current relationship, or at the ending of a relationship, nostalgia may come into play.

Our rose-colored-glasses are often retrieved from the closet at such times with a view of the past that has often been distorted over time:

From Wikipedia:

"Rose-colored glasses or rose-tinted glasses may refer to:

  • "Optimism, the tendency to see things in a positive light; and Rosy retrospection, the tendency to view past events in a positive (often unrealistic) light."

If you are willing to engage in a discussion of this topic, would you please provide a list of the pros and cons for getting back together with him? It would also be helpful for you to answer the four questions above.

There are some good reasons to get back with one's ex (a mutual interest in doing so being the best of the bunch). And some not-so-good reasons too.

Looking forward to hearing from you.


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