Is it possible to be alone and happy?Well, Joel V Benjamin put it best.
I'll just add to it if I may.
People are lonely when they experience a feeling of lack, emptiness inside of them. We then tend to look for something outside of ourselves, that will fill that void. It is largely dictated by our culture/society/education which shapes our behaviors and these sink deep into our subconscious minds.
A lot of marriages are falling apart just because we have certain expectations towards the other person, and we come into relationships "demanding" those to be fulfilled. That's when we are not whole.
When you are whole, you feel complete, you can be happy even when alone, because your contentment comes from inside of you. Your self worth is not dependent upon any external stimuli.
I think this has to do with growing up all "parts" of yourself. We often fail to recognize that we are multifaceted beings. We are not just one person because some parts of ourselves are at the different stage in growing up emotionally.
People that have lack of self worth would be most likely lacking encouragement from their parents as well as experience lack of emotional closeness with them. That's when they grow in years but are still dependent upon approval of some sort of authority and lack self worth, self reliance etc.
It doesn't have to be exact for every case as we are dynamic beings and there are many variables that come into place, but we can generalize like this with high possibility.
This is why I think being lonely means to experience some emotional lack inside of you, not knowing and/or accepting who you are and being dependent on something outside of you for feeling fulfillment, self worth, acceptance etc. (if it comes from outside of yourself, it will always be only temporary)
In this situation you can't be happy when alone and you feel lonely.
I've got asked and interesting question (Then how could we be whole and feel complete? How to grow the inside?) in the comment and decided to answer it here:
We go through the days largely influenced by the habits residing in our subconscious minds. These Patterns of behavior were formed by the experiences we had and the beliefs we had about the experiences and interactions with our environment.
What resides in our subconscious are not necessarily good habits and beliefs that are not our own, limiting our expression of who we are.
Without any attempt to examine these beliefs, any introspection and steps towards getting to know who you truly are and what do you want, we play out these patterns mindlessly, feeling something is not right, yet looking around for validation, making sure that everybody is doing it the same way.
So we say we think we want one thing, we say we want another and and do completely different thing.
Ok, enough of the ramble, let's get to how to part:
- Don't be afraid to spend some time alone, unplugged from the phones, TV etc, stop distracting yourself from yourself, this is the only way to slow down and actually observe the patterns, beliefs you hold.
- You are (or at least should be) your best friend, get to know yourself, go for a walk, in the woods, observe your thoughts, be with yourself.
- What do you like doing? What makes you feel good? playing an instrument? drawing? spending time playing with your kids? writing?
- Spend some time doing what you like every day. Do something for yourself.
- Learn something new, you're so smart and creative but most of the time you believe you aren't.
- Look at your life from higher perspective. It is shaped by your decisions and habits, which results from your beliefs about yourself and life itself. Examine those beliefs.
- Are you bored? Why? How come there is nothing to do? Isn't there anything you like doing? Maybe you just believe it won't pay off, you're not good enough? You're too old?
- Meditate daily, even for 10 minutes.
- Move your body, look at what you put in your body (stop taking more care for what fuel you put in your car than how you fuel your body), it's your vehicle with which to experience life.
A lot of it if not all has to do with getting to know yourself, your true self. We're already perfect the way we are, but we limit ourselves and our actions with the beliefs of other people instilled in us (parents, school, TV), with bad habits, distracting ourselves constantly.
We have to accept who we are, spend some time with ourselves, to find the great truth within. That we can be alone, that we do not need another person to make us feel whole. We then don't come into relationship to fell the void in ourselves but rather to support the other person in their journey of life. We are not needy, but we're giving and loving.
But first, you need to find out who you are, get to know the person that makes all the important decisions in your life, accept that person.
There's a video I found that I think might be a good thing to share here:
Loneliness, Fear, guilt, anger All these creation of our mind, We can overcome these very easily
Our so called mind does not want to stay in present, it goes to past and bring all the ugly memories , make us restless and cause tension
Mind goes to future and bring Fear.
Whenever you are in present, it is infinity filled with happiness and peace, remember when you do a adventurous activities or games, our mind only stays in present, so we get happiness or pleasing experience. But we cant do it 24 hours. the very basic formula for happiness is staying in PRESENT.
How to Stay in Present?
Whenever you feel slightest of sadness or pain of any sort, just ask this question. where am I? Am I really in present?
when you ask these question, mind becomes alert and comes back to PRESENT and you feel better
When you get any any negative thought, emotion, feeling, feeling, anger or just anything that is unpleasant
Become completely conscious or Alert and consciously observe that thought or emotion or feeling. just dont do anything. Just observe
When a negative thought comes, if oppose it or resist , you will give energy to it and it will continue to rise and if you accept the thought then also it get energy and it rises. So, Dont give any energy to your thought. just observe, become good observer
Start observing your mind just like a cat waiting for rat near the rat hole. conscious observe "Let me see what thought comes next" you will become so peaceful.
- Forgive yourself, no matter what you have done in the past, it cant be changed so forgive yourself to overcome all the negativity, guilt
- Forgive Everyone who has come across your life, this is to purify your mind completely so that you can lead peaceful life and concentrate on your present work so that it can give good results in future.
- STOP judging, we always think that people of other county or religion are wrong and they think the same about us, nobody knows who is correct. so please come out of RIGHT AND WRONG concept, to do this yo need to stop judging yourself, peoples, situations , because we do not have control on anybody's mind so we are not control of how people behave, talk, work. So, the moment we stop judging things we get great amount of peace this is because judging is the BASIC function of our mind, when you stop judging, mind or ego has no work to, whenever your mind becomes zero or inactive your get peace.
- Acceptance once you start judging you will start accepting the things and people situations as they are, thing again makes the ego or mind jobless, there will be no friction from you to the life.
You can talk with me, I can help you overcome all the negativity from your Mind
You may like to watch the movie "Cast Away"
It depends on your specific nature and the nature of your loneliness.
If you're around people all of the time, at work and in shops and such, but you're not close to any of them, then the question is whether you need that deep personal connection with another person to be happy. Some people are satisfied with crowds of acquaintances and a few casual buddies and don't need much else. I have someone specifically in mind with this description, who loves being around lots of people but doesn't seem to get close to anyone or even to need to.
Some people find crowds and people exhausting. I met a man once who spends at least six months every year in an isolated cabin in the woods. He supplements his food storage by growing and catching what he eats, keeps a dog, and doesn't see or speak to another human soul for six months every year. He has an electric generator out there, but doesn't use it much. When I asked him why he chooses to be alone so much, he said, "People talk too much." He spoke maybe 10 words to me in total; most of what I know about him came from a friend of his explaining. At the end of his explaination, he turned to his woodsman friend and said, "Right?" He responded,"Yup." That's how he told me his story.
Me personally, I need two things: someone to talk about big ideas with (history, science, politics, religion, philosophy, etc) and someone to be cuddly with and build a shared life with. My wife is both of those things for me, with emphasis on the latter. When she doesn't want to talk (or doesn't want to talk about some particular topic), I go online for more big idea discussion. But between her and the internet, my social needs are met. It could take months before I really want the company of someone who isn't my wife or a philosophical stranger on the internet. Usually it happens by coincidence before I get to longing for it. I'm alone a lot, some would say too much, but I have plenty of company for my needs. I'm a chatterbox about history, politics, and stuff, but I don't feel much need to know who I'm talking to. Their ideas interest me more than their identity. But my wife; her identity is sacrosanct. There can be only one, and it can only be her.
We're all different in our social needs. To answer your question, you're first going to have to understand who you are, what your personal needs are. What loneliness can you cope with, and what loneliness can you not?
How, you ask? Books!
If one loves to read then a library is all they need.
Books can be the best friends one can ever get. They empower you, share your pain, inspire you, cheer you up, take you through adventurous journeys, crack you up, give you some secret pleasure as well ^_^ and they'll never leave your side.