Is life really fair?
I am 23. Female. Completely fucked up with my life. Till now, have achieved NOTHING. Middle Class. Dreams getting shattered with each passing day. Working in an IT company. Caged bird.
They say, if you have family, friends and a shelter to live in then you are more rich than you think!!
I have a family but they hardly try to understand me!
They never cared, what I go through, what I have been through, what my dreams are or may be what I wanna do?
YOU MUST HAVE NEVER TOLD THEM!!
Yes, I have never told them, what my life has always been because I know for them society matters more than me.
. Get government job ( because his/ her daughter has done this/ done that/ got government job )
. Get married soon ( because we will not be able to take care of you now, there are your two young brothers too)
I know, what my fucking responsibilities are.
I dream to make my family happy.
I give my best to do what my family wants me to achieve (government job) but what can I do if this thing is just not my cup of tea. I am not that fucking intelligent.
Still I am trying. I just wish, once at least for once, my papa has hugged me and told me that " I believe in you beta, keep doing what you want. I love you"
I know he is kind of shy person that is why he never shared his love, even If he wanted to. But I know, he loves me the most but that trust, that support..I have never seen these things. I really need it.
Each fucking time, when I step in my own house..I get to know- What a big looser I am. I get compared with my cousin. They have done this. They have done that - What the fuck you're doing??
Mother - who can never think of doing anything without papa's permission.
Two brothers - who are just going with the flow. Wasting their lives as I did when I was a teenage ( I always try to make them understand but they just don't care). It sucks!
Maybe I am a fucking looser that is why, I don't even have a single friend whom I can count on. There are loads of people I know but still there is no one, with whom I can share what I am going through.
I never got that love from my family, so looked that loved from outer world.
Came in three relationships but just got my heart broken.
I am at that position of my life where quitting is the easiest step, I can opt for, but each day I am, I am motivating my self. I am becoming inspiration for myself.
I have loved, I have cared but I have never been loved not been taken care of.
There were so many times, when I felt like, leaving home but again I can't do that. Why I am good enough to be bad for myself. "Being caged" this feeling is killing me.
P.S. I am going anonymous because I don't want anyone to pity me. I shared this thing here, because just half and hour before, I dealt with the same shit and now crying on - How unfair my life is!!
Edit 1: I am feeling so blessed and untroubled by seeing all these replies.
Thank you all for supporting me and calming me down.
I am truly thankful to you all for your kind words :)
It literally made my day or should I say evening :p