What is a good way to stay happy in a sexless marriage? The sex has always been awful, but I love him way too much to leave. What advice can help me stay happy and calm?
You and I have much in common. I too Ann in a sexless marriage. I have been married for 5 years and sex was awful with my husband before marriage, but it existed and I thought we were both on the same page for wanting to improve physical intimacy.
Ignored a lot of red flags because I loved him so much, because he treated me so well otherwise, and because I rushed into things thinking I was getting on in age and needed to settle down. I recently found out my husband is asexual and so now I don't know where we stand. He seems sex adverse and I do t even m ow how he feels about kissing, because he doesn't know himself. We are now strictly hands off.
How can you and I be happy in marriages like this? Its up to us really. I am now in counseling to help me sort things out. If you absolutely take divorce off the table it isn't now up to you to find a way to be at peace.
I was initially so upset I told my husband I was leaving and then cheated. I oddly did not feel like I was betraying my husband in doing this, but I did realize I loved my husband more than I loved having sex. So I went back to him. And now I'm trying to find my everyday happiness.
I think for me, the first step was forgiveness and understanding. I realize my husband feels shame because he does not have the sexual feelings society says he is supposed to. And I know he did not mean to deceive me when we got married. He did not know he was asexual. He thought he was too nervous or had a physical problem the doctor couldn't find.
I no longer try to have physical intimacy with my husband, but instead try to focus on the things I live about him and our relationship. It is t easy, and I am still fighting through the depression that I fell in during these years. I do t know that I will ever be truly happy with things the way they are. I am taking things one day Arby's a time.
Get a good vibrator or three. Learn to please yourself. No, that cannot take the place of being in your livers arms, bit it can ease the physical needs some. Find your happiness. What fulfills you outside of romance? What can you and your husband share outside the bedroom?
Finally, realize that ni one is happy all the time. We tend to expect one relationship to fulfill all our needs, and I dont think it can. Happiness comes from within, its a choice we have to learn to make, and should not depend on another person all the time. This is something I'm learning.
My husband and I are talking g about opening the relationship so that could also be a possibility. I cannot sleep with anyone, and not without feelings so that is always a consideration. I wish you luck.