What is something you wish you had but will never get?
I will never be able to attain the experience of living out my childhood as a boy.
I cannot buy the experience, and I cannot waltz into an alternate reality in which I'm given a car instead of a doll.
Not time, not money, not anything.
It's up above like a fruit latched atop a tree, situated in such a harrowing way that my hand glides right beneath the tantilizing fruit.
Summers I've never spent fishing with my father figure.
All those times when I've been locked in my small home at a farm in rural Europe, there would have been wild adventures in its place. Tears wiped from my cheeks, my feminine cheeks, dripping down a narrow chin. I would not be washing the severed head of a baby goat in preparation for a barbaric, disgusting dinner. I'd look wistfully at the mountains where the men would go to do men things, and I wondered why I, a man at heart and mind, was not permitted to traverse the lands.
I would look up, not down. I wouldn't actively avoid confrontations with reflective surfaces as if they'd strike me in an instant.
I would live life living, not wishing, hoping, and ultimately getting slapped in the face with disappointment.
I did not have a childhood.
I wish it were forever.
Who would shout at the world at the peak of her voice, "He is mine! Please stop looking at him. Guys, I think you should mind your business. He is mine" who can make the world envy me like you do? You don't how special you made me feel even to myself! I don't think you will ever get even an inch of idea of what you had done to me.
Who would knead the dough of my ego with simple words and sweet scoldings and give it a beautiful tasty form like you did? Who else knows how to give meaning to my meaningless life which was shouting for meaning so long? Who else could?
Who would fight with me like you used to do? Who would shout at me like you do and who would be silent at me like you do? So silly were those things that they became the most precious moments that I have ever had in my life? Who would do? You know, I cherish them silently in my heart whenever I am by myself.
Who would call me again and again and irritate me by asking help for simple things? There was love unimaginable in those small things with you? Who would be able to do that because whatever things came between us were so natural, would they be happening again with us?
Who would sit on the back seat of my bike and kiss me in the most oddest ways, that I never imagined to be existing? Who would drive along with me in the car, search for stupid places to hide from the whole world to have kisses and hugs? Who would walk with me just to scold me about my walking habit? I miss them badly!
Who would lend an ear to listen to my stupid future plans like you did? Who would patiently notice every move of my life with such sheer curiosity and delight like you did? Who would take time to argue to stop me from taking impulsive steps like you did? Who else could?
Laughters, smiles, tears, victories and failures, everything became so stunning. You made them so for me. I wish we had just at least one more day to spend. I wish it were you whenever the phone rings, at least once.
Now that you are married to someone else, I know that it is near to impossible for those things to happen again. And I totally understand the situations under which we had to part. And though I get angry at you in my thoughts at times, I want to tell you that I totally understand the situations, there is no mistake from either of us, and thet most important thing is that I love you and I am very very very lucky to be loved by you.
I talked with a few of my friends and told them that I am trying to forget you. They said, "we guess, you can't. It's a beautiful feeling that's going to remain in your heart for long." I didn't believe them. But, as days are passing, I think of you everyday. And whenever I think of you, my lips smile and eyes become a little wet. I think a bit of you still remains with me and will be so forever. I thank you for all your love.
Tomorrow, I may not be waiting for you at some place, we might not be fighting again on some stupid topic where I would be displaying my stoicness, and you displaying your wit, we may no longer be having those stupid future plans again, we may not be going on those wonderful rides and walks again, the world may no more be envying me because you are no more with me,
But I wish it were forever.
I love you
I want you.
You, with your cuddles, and adorable sneezes, and eyes of melted chocolate.
Your bouts of excitement, and short attention span.
Your quick steps and body that I could look at for hours.
I want to be able to sleep with you, wake up next to you and pull you close, go on rambling adventures and end up lost. I want to chase the gulls at the beach, dig holes in the sand, collapse in a tangle of arms after swimming. I want to spoil you; to buy you all the things you deserve. I want to frivolously purchase half the shop, in every colour possible. I want people to fawn over you when we go out, and my smirk when they realise you're all mine. No sharing; I'm selfish like that. I want elaborate but simultaneously simple birthday celebrations, and lazy late nights watching bad movies. You might have to listen to me complain to the plot holes and mis-characterisation, but you'll do it anyway. I offer snuggly kisses as compensation, and waking up early to go for walks. You've always been an early riser.
I want you. But alas, we'll never be...
Because there's no such thing as a forever puppy.
A girlfriend. At 31 years old, I don't even bother hoping for it anymore. I'm not a social person, I'm a poor conversationalist, I don't have many opportunities to meet people, and I don't really know how to establish connections with people I do meet. I don't want to pay good money to a dating website, and if I did I'd be too self conscious to send anyone a message. I don't have alot of friends, and the ones I do are no help in terms of getting me out or introducing me to new people.
So I'll never have a girlfriend, never get married, never have kids, whatever. I'll just keep going on the way I've been for the past 30 years.
Edit: I guess this answer makes me seem like a sad person, but I'm not really. To be honest, I'm in a good place right now where I don't have feelings for anyone, which is far preferential to having an unrequited crush. That kind of thing really messes with you, so not having a crush on anyone is pretty great. I just live my life.
I wish that I was a slim, pretty woman who didn't have hair loss at the age of 31. I dream about having really thick hair again. I know this sounds so vain and of no significance but I am also a single woman and most importantly, I have never had a relationship in my adult life. I am still waiting. I am so sick of looking at my face in the mirror and trying to find something pretty about it. Also, all I see is my hair loss. I feel like an awkward man...not really a woman.
So, I wish I were pretty and slim for one day. Because, then I would get to experience what it must feel like to have a man look at me because he likes the way I look. I would know what it would feel like to be desired. If I were prettier, I would have more of a chance of a man being attracted to me and then once he would be attracted to me, he would know just how loving I am. How caring I am. How nurturing and kind I am. Then he would love me too.
For now though, why would a man look at me? I don't ever experience that feeling so I don't really have a chance. Even when I try to dress nicely and look pretty..it doesn't happen. I guess at 21 there is so much opportunity. At 31, it fades.
What it feels like to be stronger.
What it feels like to be taller.
What it feels like to be masculine.
What it feels like to have a deeper voice.
What it feels like to be superior.
What it feels like to not be mistaken as weak.
What it feels like to be a male.
I can wish and wish and wish and wish, but I will always be a female, no matter how much I hate it, nobody will see.