What is the best way to get an ex back?

YI hate to be the one to say this. If you have to jump through all that mess to get someone back. You probably shouldn't be with them in the first place. Relationships should be organic and you should not have to wait around for someone to love you. Typically when people break up these days they don't get back together. It's too easy to replace the other and by that time they have probably betrayed you anyway or jumped on the carousel of sex for a while to get a hall pass. People and relationships are disposable these days and what your talking getting someone back is a game the other party plays for a power trip.

I personally think you should walk away for good and not let someone mess with your head. Yeah it hurts but typically they aren't hurting and aren't thinking about you. It hurts.....bad. Your emotional will is ripped apart right now by someone you trusted. Maybe they found you lacking. However: maybe they were lacking and their perspective is skewed.

If you did something stupid.....I mean really stupid like cheat or you are a drug addict. Don't bother and walk away till you fix you problem.

If it's somethng stupid that can easily be fixed and they left with really no reason.....like they just want space. They have probably been cheating and if the new one doesn't work they come back to you. Then leave again.

It shouldn't be this hard. He dating pool right now is garbage due to all the stupid expectation and entitlement.

My own lesson was learned the hard way. I play 0 games and make myslef clear. I watch actions closely and am pretty low on second chances. When someone can hurt you they can and will do it again.

Also watch how they left the last relationship. What they do to them is what they will do to you and when someone tells you about themselves......believe them. No one knows themselves better than themselves.

What's the answer here? How do you fix it?

You don't........they are gone. What can you do? I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to go see friends and take art classes or find some stupid hobby like the rest of the internet. I'm also going to advise against the so called love experts that say be your best self and shine....then improve what they didn't like about you so your ex will come back all happy and shining.

No way......because your ex left you .........and left ..................you. As in you as a person. So what.....what does that mean. I get wealthy and they come back. Awesome.....now I have a gold digger or someone using me for resources.

I get in amazing shape and I look good. You have to factor in this person might not be loyal and no matter what the improvement they might leave again. When you are not in great shape do they leave? When your not wealthy do they leave? See the problem here.

You fix yourself and are givin*them a better deal you. Do they deserve that. Probably not. They left you.

So what do you do?

This is going to sound counter to what I said above. You do improve yourself the best you can and slowly. Dont beat yourself up if your goal isn't over night. Try a 3 year plan. Why?

Then you will be in a better position for ......you. Just you and not them. Your life will be what you want it to be to have a better life, to have better moments. Not because someone found you lacking and you should fix it to whatever they want. Youndo it for yourself.

What did I do when mine left? I changed everything. I went back to school and was broke while doing so. Scrounging here and there and having hard months while attaining the goal. I got in better shape and started focusing on what made me have a sense of peace. Negative feelings came in a lot. Sadness came in but over a time it final,y got better. I did start doing new things. I decided to create an outdoor lifestyle. Why.....? Because it was out of my comfort zone and totally against anything I'd ever done. It didn't even feel right but I forced through the fear of the new.

I started snowboarding.....I'm not even young. I fell over and over until about 5 small trips where I finally got it down and now I love it. It was fairly hard. I bought some cheap camping gear and a bike. Then got a cheap kayak. I bought an old beat up muscle car and started learning myself how to repair and rebuild it. They are not simple by any means. I started making beer and soda from scratch..

You get the idea. None of it was easy or intuitive. I wanted change. I wanted to be as different from who I was. Did it work? Yes and no. The things I did took my mind off of the loss and led me to meeting more people who cared. It led me to more friends and more interring life. I'm still not there yet. My life is more interesting.

However: who I share that with is someone who already does those things. I can't meet someone who has nothing and give them the best of who I am now unless they have somethng to bring to the table themselves. I learned lessons.

That's the deal......you get better and you try so hard and you get better than the one that left you. Only then do they want you back but your so improved that they are the ones lacking and they know it.

They are still the same person and still would take from you and maybe give nothing back but a hole in your heart and emotional pain.

Maybe your break up doesn't require this level of change. I can't say......I'm not you. I know this.....most people are afraid to live the best life they can. Hooked on Facebook or tv or Netflix or whatever we waste our time on. When you live the best you can and you are interesting. You will ha e value to many who can't do those things because they just are afraid to. I have fear too..but I had to change.

I didn't have any bad habits so it was easier. Didn't take anti depressants. I wanted to feel the pain and never forget it. I wanted it to hurt so it would drive change. I stopped drinking completely and I didn't drink much anyway. Anything that was a risk to fuel depression. I stopped doing it. Eating might have been the hardest one because eating creates comfort.

That's the deal there. Time and improvement.

If does make you forget the pain if you can just hold out. You might not forgive ,but the person who left won't matter nearly as much. When your just left you can't see ever feeling better again. No one felt worse than me. I don't know if it was humanly possible. They might have felt equal to the loss I felt but couldn't have felt worse. Why I say that is because over the next two years it started to feel better. I didn't see that coming at first. I had to start back over. You have to understand that when my ex left I was all in......I lost everything and paid for it dearly. I was left with nothing and probably less than nothing. I put it on a number scale that looks like this.

-10......................0.....................10

I was probably -8

Now I'm probably at -1. I still have fallout that was left unfinished and will continue to be so. You have to accept that. You have to think that's a huge improvement. Moving 7 places.....The things in my life are shaping up and moving more into the positive. Each thing gets better slowly to finally paint a good picture. +3 to +5 sounds good. Each hobby you get better at and it's more enjoyable. The more enjoyable it gets the more you move on the number scale.

As for her......the ex. Would I ever take her back......no. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. I tried once and you can't take back a cheater. I think my daughter suffers the most. She's 6 now. She still doesn't understand the loss of family. I hope to share many things with her that I've learned but I cannot improve my life even for her. It has to be for me. My life has improved aNd will keep doing so. That's the lesson. You have to fight through it and make a conscious decision. The road wasn't perfect. I had good days and bad days. Still do.

Let me share with you something else. I say this with a somber and empathetic mindset. The black and white words cannot show. What happened was bad.....I won't go into it. Surviving it makes you stronger. In the narcissistic world we live in......we are disposable. We were never meant to be so it's not settling well when it happens. We are meant to pair bond and be in relationships. We were not meant to be alone.

The strength drawn from that and suffering the moments of extreme loss will allow you to help others go through it. I've helped friends get through some dark moments of this nature where it would have ended them. ....i mean that literally.

What you go through matters. It happens for a reason.

Try to get though it and fix your broken self over time. Don't let people tell you how to feel and don't let them tell you when to be over it. I didn't and people did try.

Oh....your not over that yet. Get over it and be a man.

Uhhh.....no. I'm not over it and it doesn't make me less than. Those people either haven't gone through it or they are currently happy and have forgotten what it's like. Don't let someone tell you how to feel and get over it in your own time. Am I over it? No......I'm at -1 and working to get back to the 5 I was at before without the reliance of someone to love me.


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