What is the craziest thing your mother has ever said about you?
I was only seventeen years old when my mother gave me the best advice. She had finished running her errands and was carrying the groceries into the house. "Always have a heavy chain or a strong, wooden baseball bat in the car with you," she said to me. I was surprised. This was not like her, a gentle soul who loved and sheltered her from the outside world. This was not coming out of maternal concern for my protection or self-defense. It was a call to arms, an instigation to violence. I was surprised that my five-foot tall mother, a role model of patience and justice, would tell me to carry such violent weapons in the car.
That is when I found out that this advice was the result of an accident earlier in the day, when a driver cut in front of her, causing her to stop abruptly. A jar of pickles and a carton of eggs shattered in the process. Had she had a heavy chain or even a wooden bat, my mother threatened with a fist in the air, those groceries would not have been the only things to shatter. That was the moment when our family started carrying concealed weapons. She started driving through our quiet suburban neighborhood with heavy chains and baseball bats in the trunk. I wonder whether she ever got to use them. But that day, as I was sitting in the kitchen imagining her shattering the poor guy's windows over a jar of pickles, I realized that she might be much more than the gentle lady I knew. She might be someone who could fight fiercely for the safety of her family's groceries.
When I was a teen and started to menustrate for the first time I was home and my Mom had her lady friends over for coffee. She exaggerated in her voice saying out loud to all her friends while I was present, "Donna has become a young lady today, she started her periods!" Talk about humiliation and unexpected embarrassment. My Step-Mother of course!