What would happen if the USA invaded Britain?

This is what would happen. The mighty American armada sweeps up the Thames, guarding the flotilla of landing boats full of eager soldiers. The brave General as ever leading from the front, leaps out onto a pier, where he is met by a British Policeman.

Policeman: Good morning, sir. May I ask what you and this gigantic army are doing here?

General: We're here for the invasion of England!

Policeman: Oh. I didn't know there was going to be one. Bloody nuisance. Well, I'm sure we're all glad you're here to help in the defense!

General: Well. Um. As to that...

Policeman: Yes?

General: I'm afraid that, (ahem) we are the invading army.

Policeman: Oh dear. Do you mind if I ask why?

General: [Looks a bit abashed] Well it's very complicated you see, geopolitics and stuff. [In a tiny voice] Something about an internet forum?

Policeman: Don't you fret. Anyway, just as well you're here. I'd like to report that one of your NATO allies has been attacked. Your invasion will have to wait until you've dealt with that situation.

General: [Irritated] Damn! Okay, okay, I suppose we do need to uphold our treaties ahead of recreational invading. Who are the miscreants?

Policeman: Well ... they're called les États-Unis. They're basically okay guys, but could use a stern talking to, or a mild walloping.

General: Where are they? Lemme at ‘em!

Policeman: Give me your phone. [Takes phone and pokes buttons] Okay, I've programmed it into your GPS tracker. Give 'em ‘ell, sir!

General: [Leaps back onto the boat] Turn this fleet around, boys! We've got a better invasion. Follow these coordinates... [Armada sails away]

Policeman: [Briskly] Well. Order restored, as usual.

Bystander: Look! Here comes another invasion fleet! They're flying the flags of Canada, Italy, Germany, France and Spain!

Policeman: [Sighs]


you mean they haven't already?

Well if they were coming in via Heathrow airport they'd get stuck in passport control as the Borders Agency is very slow at the moment, and they'd have to surrender their weapons, as firearms are strictly controlled over here.

In addition should they get past that hurdle, they would get stuck on the M4 going into town, and the M25 as they'd be driving on the wrong side of the road, plus the Highways Agency and Police would pull them over for driving in a manner likely to cause an accident.

none of them would have Oyster cards - can you imagine the queues, so tube and train travel is out, and there are hardly any US cars over here, so you'd be stuffed for transport - which sane American would drive a tiny European car?

If it was a Seaborne invasion where are they going to land - Ireland perhaps, as we're all one happy family, and its the closest land mass to the good old USA? Getting ashore is never an easy option especially when the home team has the same sorts of artillery as the Red team - MLRS and 155mm SP would make mincemeat of incoming landing craft, regardless of Naval air Support; we would of course have land based aircraft and the US Air Force would only be able to deploy very few assets from the US, and none from Europe (forgot about them? I don't think they would be best pleased, damaging their economy - ans most are in Nato - see Article 5 below)

You could of course come in via the USA bases in the UK, but a load of lumbering C5 Galaxies would only be target practice for the RAF and Royal Artillery, plus the US Bases here are actually UK bases, partially guarded by the RAF Regiment - I suspect they might become UK bases very quickly, and we would then own all the US airforce assets in the UK - and it would give us somewhere to put all the soldiers who flew in. Actually come via Stanstead - its so much closer to the future Lakenheath and Mildenhall internment camps

Apart from that we do have nuclear weapons too - not many, but enough to leave many US cities - and a few incoming aircraft carriers - as glowing wrecks, much to the satisfaction of the Chinese and Russians. You could bomb us back easily, but then it wouldn't be an invasion.

We also have something called NATO - yes I know the US leads it, but Article 5 ( an attack on one is an attack on all) would bring the rest of Europe, Canada and Turkey in on our side. Oh yes and a certain USA would be forced to defend us too - what a can of worms.

do you wish me to continue?


Queen Elizabeth II and the whole entourage would be evacuated to Tharwa south of Canberra/ACT in Australia. Read Nevil Shute, In the Wet.


As one respondent has pointed out, you'd to withdraw from NATO first, otherwise you'd have to defend against yourselves, which rather defeats the object of an invasion in the first place.

Then, unless you are proposing to airlift everything in, you will require a ‘staging post' and you know how long that took prior to D-Day; don't you think that we might notice?

Ireland might be a possibility, a short hop across the Irish Sea, but then you will be confined to the coastal roads in the north or south of Wales. If you choose the southern route, we will blow up the Severn Bridge; if you choose the northern route, be warned! The average Merseysider can have your lorries on bricks and the wheels off in under a minute.

You might get France, Belgium or the Netherlands to house your troops pro tem prior to invasion but they will exact a heavy price, especially France. And there's not room to swing a cat in Belgium or Holland. Still invasion via the south coast has been the most successful historically but that was before they built the M25 orbital motorway; your tanks will just go around and around the capital following the traffic, assuming it's not gridlocked.

You could try the north via Denmark or Norway but it's a long way by sea and Harald Hadrada did not have a lot of luck with that route in 1066.

We won't even go into the problems of resupply!

You see, the Brits have a rabid aversion to being invaded; invited in, sure, but invaded? So, if you want to take on 20,000,000 adult males, and we very good at organising riots, I'd give it a miss.


It would be a complete failure.

For starters, there is very little interest in American music, especially rap. Secondly, there is no driving publishing system for music. That's why they all come here.

With a thriving market and all the support from the entertainment biz, why even try?

Ohh you meant militarily.

Why? What advantage would taking over the British Iles give us? What resources do they have we could plunder? So we could get their dental plan?

It would still be a costly disaster. Britts are scrappier than they are given credit for. Especially their military. They are not all costumed show pieces.

I imagine that after we descimated their navy the ground fight would be impossible. Not a single citizen of the crown would lay down and be enslaved. There would be pockets of resistance among every village and hamlet, On top of a well organized military.

The only way to really win would be to destroy every home, castle, and shack. Also you would have to kill every man, woman, and child along the way. No one in America would support that kind of warfare.

I guess this is my tip of the hat to the British......but your taste in food and music kinda sucks.LOL


Nuclear war. And USA would lose all of its friends.


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