What's the most morally disgusting thing that you have done? You can go anonymous.
A bit of background.
I have a friend who is Dutch. I was trying to explain to him the nature of Southern matriarchal culture. We were talking about the difference between "guilt" and "shame" in English. He said, "Ah! Now I understand! Guilt is when you know you have done wrong. Shame is when you know that others know what you have done."
So true. However, with my Mississippi grandmother, they were the same. She saw through everything but loved you anyway. You just knew that you could do better, but that was a privilege not an obligation. Way to go, Grandma!
So on to your question.
As an adolescent, I was walking with some "in-crowd" kids and they said some really nasty things about a friend. I laughed. Why? I was weak.
I am sharing this to warn you of how dangerous peer pressure can be. But, I also want to share what happened when I finally came to terms with the moral wrong.
I confessed that I had failed my friend. I apologized to my friend. Privately, I pledged to be true regardless of circumstances. That dealt with the guilt, but increased the shame since my friend did not know what I had done until I told him.
Some of the "in-crowd" kids respected me for dealing with it directly. In fact the verbal bullying stopped.
Keeping the pledge accelerated healing. My friend was the best man at my wedding. He is very much my brother. His first son is named after me. He wrote, "Celebration" which is the opening and closing anthem of the ICPC.
Had I not failed and dealt with the failure, I might not have gained a lifetime friend. There is light at the end of the darkest tunnel. You just need to figure out which way to go to get there and move on.
As to this moral wrong I reported, most would say it was trivial. I could have simply blown this off. Surely there was a much more egregious wrong you could have shared. That is certainly true. The worst were not correctable.
But, I shared this one because had I not dealt with it, I would have lost the future best man at my wedding, a lifetime brother and the naming of his first son. Worse, I would have never known the consequences.
Your moral compass gives you direction and frames your future. So it is worth the investment to develop one that stands the test of time and spans cultures.
There is much said about morality, moral codes, ethics, and the like. Let me assure you that there are principles and values that provide healthy boundaries and motivation to live a more meaningful, empowered life. The challenge is to make them yours.
Let morality be your guide and guard, not your jailer. Find your inner Grandma.
1: Talking with a friend the other day, on a long drive, we were taking turns asking questions. As time goes on the questions become more personal.
Given the recent news of many famous people committing sexual assault, I asked friend if friend had ever sexually assaulted anyone. "no". OK, I just wanted to talk about my guilt of sexual assault.
When I was 16, on a class trip (this was 20+ years ago) I was sitting next to a girl on the long bus ride and we started making out. She voluntarily let me touch her breasts - this would be my first experience. She also massaged me (on top of the pants).
Next day, I sat next to her again. We started making out again. I moved her hand to my crotch. She moved it away. I moved it back. She moved it away. I moved it back. This went on for a few times. I was a horny teen-age boy. Now I look back and am ashamed. We are actually in regular contact now, and I do not even know if she remembers, but I am sure she does, or maybe it was nothing to her and only my guilt that makes it stick in my mind.
2: I was never popular in high-school, and felt bullied, but there were two kids in my freshman class that were lower status than me. I bullied them. One somewhat regularly, by name calling. The other only once but it was also sexual assault. After gym class in the shower room I danced in front of him shaking my balls in his face and saying something I do not even remember, but it was not good. This was before the concept of sexual harassment was so known, and I like to think I would not have done it now if I was in high school.
I had an affair with a married woman.
She is my relative and I used to go to her house sometimes. She is just two years older than me, but her husband is much older like 30 or something. They have been married for just two years when it happened.
We casually exchanged numbers amd we used to chat occasionally. It started with some light flirting but it escalated quickly. She was the one who initiated everything and I just went along with it.
Before you judge me, I was a college Kid and my hormones were raging. She too was willing and it was consensual, so I saw nothing wrong. It was a steamy thing and since I was staying near my college, we would meet everytime I came home. We met mostly in her home where I had to go secretly.
It was thrilling while it lasted. Now she is pregnant and we both agreed to cut contacts as it is too risky. I don't know who is the father of her child, Her husband or me.
It was a bad thing to do: coming between a family. But I don't regret things I have done. Seven months have passed since we last spoke but I am not gonna reinitiate it even if she calls. That thing was too damn risky.
Edit: For those who are saying I am not realizing that what I did was bad and karma is gonna catch up with me, I know what I did was bad. I just don't care because it was fun. As for karma, fuck it. Let it do its thing.
My wife and I did not have a happy marriage in the beginning. We had to go see a counsellor and had to work on our marriage. And during this time , I got in contact with my senior in college , who was facing the same problems with her marriage. And , she and I had a bit of a history. I wanted to date her in college. And she like no , although she remained very close to me. And until a day , we fought and again got into contact when she got married. Well coming back. She and I started sharing the downfalls of our partners and marriage. And One day , her husband left her. And I visited her the next day to help her cope with the broken marriage. Although behind my head , I wanted to fuck her. Yes ! You heard it correct. I wanted to fuck her. Even though , we both were alone in her apartment and were high on liquor. Nothing happened. And I believe , it's because she respected my marriage .. that evening , I understood. That , we never value things until they are actually gone. In her case , her ex-husband did not value her and lost her altogether. In my case , I was ready to lose both my life partner and my friend , for a twenty - thirty minutes thrill. That day , I learnt that I would have done the most immortal thing ever. And I would lie , if I say I don't regret it.
Maybe not just morally disgusting but just plain disgusting... when I was 8, we used to play in the fields and woods near our neighborhood. We made "gangs", we had passwords, forts, treehouses, captains... you know that kind of 80s boys stuff... A rival gang attacked us, pissed on our treehouse, kicked and shoved our bikes and, worst of all, stole our "treasure" that consisted in a collection of pornographic magazines we used to find during our goonies style adventures... We kept it in a fine wooden wine-case and treated it really as a treasure or a sacred relic. It was the totem of our gang. The next day we were playing climbing on an apple tree we found and eating those super-sour little green apples when someone shout he made a find. This time it was not some wretched piece of porn mag (often two pages were sticking together and some years later I realized it was dry semen and not some glue or resin) but the other common precious item we used to find (along withroadkills and other carcasses of course): a syringe left by some junky! The idea hit us all at the same time. Without words as the plan was obvious in its dibaolical nature, we all pissed (and added some spit) in a rusty bucket we found nearby, proceded to suck the piss-saliva-snot cocktail in the syringe and then injected a few dozen apples with it. Then we went to meet the rival gang offering apples as a peace exchange present. They ate them all in delight as little sour wild apples were very popular for kids at that time. I realized years later how unhygienic and dangerous was not only our diabolical revenge but also our collection of porn magazines found in the woods, abandoned by older people... Fortunately noone catched a disease of any sort and they (we) are all still alive and in our forties...
I`ll just jump straight to what I have done so :
- Once ( 10 years ago ) I tried to earn some money by selling some festival tickets to my friends and failed. Someone told me about a site that sold the tickets for 75% less of the standard price. We were to go together to the festival and I asked 30% more off them for the tickets. They paid and just before the start of the festival they found out that I have cheated them. We had an argument, they made me feel ashamed not that I were not ashamed by what pathetic little trick I tried and paid them back the undeserved profit.
- I ( about 8 years ago ) killed my mothers cat (which she cared for a lot). I had some friends over and we were playing 21 (Romanian Black Jack called "Bistaic"). The cat was in heat and it was keep hanging and meowing around us and one of my friends was having fun by masturbating the cat with the aerial of his phone so I interfered and tried to hide the cat somewhere and the only safe spot from where it should not escape seemed to be the washing machine so I closed it there and went back to the game ( but keep the thought out of your mind that I turned the washing machine on ). We played for several more hours and when my guests left I remembered the cat ... it asphyxiated due to the lack of fresh air. I was really sorry, never meant to cause something like that. Of course to avoid an argument I did hide the body a few blocks from our house and told my mother that the cat must have run out to find a mate.
- I (this summer) lied to my friend about a girl he was having an adventure with. My friend was having fun with a girl and I was keep asking him, and doing some efforts myself too, to have fun in a trio but never succeeded. Than I found myself in a little adventure 1 on 1 with the girl because my friend wasn`t investing any resources into the play. By the time that my friend started to have some feelings the girl moved her interests toward me. At some point, in order to make his plans with the girl he asked me if I slept with her and I lied to him because I didn`t know that she was just a player :)))