Why am I single?
I am 25 year old guy and i have been single my entire life. I am a average looking guy and never in my life i even kissed a girl or held even someone's hand. i am posting it as anonymous i know because people will make fun of me once i reveal my identity.
Its not like i never tried, seriously i tired a lot, but the real problem with me is i am too honest and often end up saying what ever comes in my mind but when it comes to express my feelings, its too difficult for me i spend like 8–9 hours in thinking of possibilities of what could happen and that is where everything goes wrong, i get too late and this overthinking really messes up my whole life. Let me tell you my recent story, i found a girl on dating website. then we started talking ( i was the guy who never ever in his whole life of 25 years ever talked to a girl on phone so its important to mention that we started talking) i used to talk her for around 8 hours every day, we used to roam around city, watching movies, girl look great at heart in beginning. I used to listen all her stories of past and how she suffered a lot in her past relationships, then she started sharing big secrets of her life with me which everyday made me that i am someone special for her. She was even amazed how do i remember all the minute details of what she told me. Then one day she invited me to her room, i went there and we had dinner and we talked whole night then the first time in my life a girl held my hands and that was the moment i was in love, i never touched her always maintained the distance and that night too apart from holding hands we did nothing. The girl was like my life's biggest gift ever but after then things started rough she started saying we don't have a future so we should not go too far but for me physicality was nothing all i wanted is her love, it was the person i fell in loved with not her body but for her it was just the same as she had already been in relationships. We continued to talk after that and i keep on falling in love more and more then the next weekend we dated again and it had been almost 2.5 months since we met and started dating and now i wanted to get serious, after the date i was going to drop her home and it was past 12 in night, i wanted to tell my feelings but that day from her behavior i was a little more confirmed that she is just taking me as a friend which seriously kills more than smoking. I was thinking if she is going to invite me on her Flat then she definitely has the mutual feelings otherwise i am just going to be friend-zoned. And after we reached her home she said good bye, i booked my cab and was waited for cab for around 15 mins outside her place and it was little scary as there was no one and gurgaon is no safer in nights so i just called her and said "you didn't even invite me i have to book cab" even then she didn't say come over to my place, i was like man you just got friend-zoned, talked to my friends about this incident they also said its very likely she doesn't have the mutual feelings otherwise she would not have allowed to you go back in night. Then i just texted her why didn't you invite me to which she said she was not uncomfortable so it was now clear to me she doesn't have the feelings for me, i got a little low went to office on weekend and thought whether to tell her about my feelings or not as she had already cleared we don't have future, i was not replying to her calls and texts as i was thinking and just for the first time i asked for some time (hours) as i have to decide whether to keep it going like this and die everyday or to lose all the special moments. I chose not to tell her may be one day she could also have the feelings. By the evening she texted me is something wrong to which i replied " everything is fine". then she texted its disgusting you wanted to do all that physicality stuff i am no idiot i am not going to talk to you again . It was like Dude whats happening in your life u didn't even tell her and look at her reaction, i tried to convince hr lost my self respect but she has developed this thing in her mind that by not talking to her for few hours i am showing my grievance. I never wanted to share my feelings i keep on trying to convince her its just a misunderstanding but she was like no you wanted to go physical i told her thousands times that i had the chance i week back i didn't do it that day what more u want from me, but she was like no no, anyway later on in night she said everything is ok and things are fine again i was glad that ok its good that i didn't tell her and situation has had come under control. but thing is just after 2 days of incident she found new guy someone hunk cool dude and kept me under the impression that things are fine, she told me if she wanted to go into relationship why will she choose some one like me when there are so many hunk dude types those words just broke me. All that sharing, caring didn't mean anything to her as she had done it many times but for me it was like "she is the one" , things would have been saved had i told her about my feelings at the right time but doesn't matter how hard you try life's always has different plans for you. This whole incident broke me into so many parts one cant imagine, i told her about my situation but never she cared to call even for once to get to know how am i doing. My situation got worse with time but found too many guys and just kept on dating them, i told her don't leave me for 1 misunderstanding but her reply was its your fault and when i finally expressed my reason for not talking to her that days she said she cant do anything as it was my mistake to fall in love. All those words killed me i did so much for her but she replaced me in 2 hours. Life is a Bitch so i will say its better to be single than to be in such situations.!!