Why won't you ever love again?
Because certain damage can not be repaired?
October 10th, 2010 morning 2am, silence of dark midnight. Suddenly my phone honked for a full ring, I ignored first call, but answered the second one in a half sleepy tone, "hellooo"
‘R******' a firm male sound from another side,
"Yes, who is here?"
‘R****** there is an accident, a fatal one on Pondicherry Highway near *****(place name), one guy with a girl a bike accident, our patrolling Van has called Highway ambulance, we are on the way to nearby govt.hospital, I have got 2 cellphones from the victim's purse, one is locked another one we can use, and we are calling all the last dialed numbers, yours is one amongst that, can you help us to recognise these victims'.
I was shocked to numbness, all I asked are girl's appearance, phone model and if they knew the phone number, they provided few mere details.
Frozen, numb, couldn't utter a word, I could feel the chillness in my spine, my phone slipped down my hand. Somehow I reached the switchboard of my bedroom to get the light, again call from same number, little relieved this time as further conversation with the Inspector on duty helped me to realise that she is alive, and they are taking her to hospital along with a male friend, even that was a suspense for me, who could be that guy?Someone I might knew but never informed by her.
Grasped my breath, Woke up my roommate, called all classmates those were available on such a fateful hours, the hospital they were taking her was around 100km away from Chennai, 50km close to Pondicherry.
There were no space in my brain to think anything, just took my bike, and drove at full speed, as fast as I could, suddenly notice my phone is vibrating, pulled on service road, few mates asked to halt as they also are joining me, I just lit a cigarette and started praying to all my gods which I had avoided all these years, again a call, her mother this time,
"R*****, beta some policeman has called us telling, S***** has met with accident, are you guys fine?"
‘Aunty even I have got similar call, they took her to hospital it seems I'm on the way, she is doing fine but I van update you details only once I reach there.'
"What?" To her shocked despair,
"they told there is a guy as well, who is that? We thought you two were riding?".
‘ I wasn't, I' ll call you, I am driving down there'', hanged that call, I had nothing to talk, though I carry all the responsibilities about her towards her parents. Just few month back her parents had come all the way down to south to see me, to approve our relationship.
One of my mate took my bike key, as they tracked me on service road, I as a pillion went into memories of the days. We were fighting day and night for past few days, not her mistake she was just an innocent crazy girl full of life, all she wanted was my attention, day and night, 24×7, which I was failed to pay.
A failed son, failed medical graduate, failed brother and here I was a failed lover.
She hailed from northern states of India. We both were classmate, a funny, miserable girl found a friend in me, initially only to cope up with local language, food and culture in Chennai. I was always a silent listener, she as a talkative always sit beside me to talk everything and anything she can, time flew our friendship turned to crush and end up in love. We were best couple in our college, we always rock the stage together, copy in class test together, one for both- both for one.
2 years of our relationship, for the first time we fought was in last month, for one stupid reason, she wanted to join a clinic in evening hours, I wanted her to focus on coming exams. She always won argument with me, until I am not totally against it, this clinic she wanted to join was one of our college professor's clinic, and he carry a very bad reputation especially as a flirt with his students. I hated him, and asked her not to join, but she did, against my wish, I took it to my ego, stopped talking to her for few days.
For last couple of days I could see her stressed face, I wanted to cheer her up, wanted to share her worries but my ego stopped me, all I wanted was, her to walk towards me and say sorry, today afternoon she took the initiatives walked to me and asked,
" why are you such ignorant bastard?"
‘Go to hell', Those were my words to her. She walked out.
Post classes I saw her with one small backpack, waiting near a bus stand close to her PG. Innocently looking at me, I thought of running to her and hugging her tight enough to break her muscles in my arms, but my fucking ego stopped me, all I did was parked my bike opposite to her lit a cigarette, and stare her, she rang me suddenly, I answered,
"Won't you stop me? Even if I say I am leaving you."
Paused for a stare in her eyes, got panic with her voice, couldn't resist myself anymore.
‘Where the fuck you leaving? Come here I ll drive you to beach, we'll have your favorite pani-puri'.
" Awwwe", she always melt me like ice, with that monotonous Awwwe.
‘Not today, I am visiting one of my relatives in the town, for a birthday party, but glad that you forgiven me at last'.
"I missed you punkin", I seriously wanted to hug her.
‘Good keep missing me, tomorrow is Sunday and I am knocking your door early in morning to punish you'.
‘Sure princess, come back soon"
That was last conversation I had with her.
One hour of crazy drive on Chennai Pondicherry Highway,( people from Chennai must knows the amount of danger on a weekend morning on that Highway), we reached hospital. We Called that policeman, they came in group asked us to sign few papers, and asked us to follow them, I refused, because he wasn't leading us to the main hospital building but towards the corner, I can read the board, Mortuary.
I sat on floor outside, my mates took care of me, few of them sneaked in, I could read the horror on their face, one of them asked me, come we will go out, I refused again,
Got up, walked in, they tried stopping me, yelling I shouldn't see her like this,
A deep diagonal scar on her face, left wrist torn as if bone was separated inside her hand, swollen body, she was in same dress, with same backpack as I saw her in evening.
I turned my face out of curiosity, who the fuck she was driving with to Pondicherry on such a wee hours, without my knowledge. I was doomed, the clinic professor I asked her not to join.
I had many unanswered questions, still I have.
Many thing happened in my life since then, rehab, mental hospital, drugs, my friends use to tell me I was out of world for 3 yrs. Dropped from the course I was doing.
All I remember is she sitting beside me asking,
"Won't you stop me? Even if I say I am leaving you."
I did not killed her, but guilt of letting her die is forever.
Thanks for A2A!
I don't understand why this question is for me, but okay I will explain.
I am in love with my family, my life, nowadays mostly with my niece, nature, movies, quora, and many other things.
Now as the question asked ‘again', so this is relating to your someone. So, for me it won't be again because it never happened. And I don't wants this to be happen even once because of many reasons:
- Life in this era is already full of lot of tensions,worries and I did not wanted any sorts of more of them in my life.
- I still have to travel a very long journey to achieve my dreams and I really don't want any distractions at all.
- Many time it is not love but just an attraction and it will surely leads to problems throughout life.
- With love comes responsibilities and frankly I do not want them at this stage of life.
- ‘To remain single for life' is one of my wish in my wish book.
Many other reasons are listed in this answer of mine: Priya Gautam's answer to Why are so many decent people single nowadays?
TRUTH OF LOVE:-
LOve starts with a smile,grows with a kiss and ends with a tear..isn't it?
Falling in love is like the rain....its unpredictable..and when it doesn't last ..there is only pain. Even if we say we are okay, we have moved on, somewhere deep inside, it hurts.. Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away!!( Don't want to fall in love)
A heart dies, when its not able to share its feelings..but a heart kills itself when another heart does not understand its feelings!!( Don't want to fall in love)
There are songs that really makes us sad and we cry when we hear them..but its actually not the songs that make us cry..its the people behind the memories!!( Don't want to fall in love)
One of the hardest things to do is to delete old messages..that once means a lot to us when we were in love..( Don't want to fall in love)
People say follow your heart..but which way should we go when our heart breaks into two..(Don't want to fall in love)
Love is like a puzzle, when we are in love..all the pieces fit but when our heart gets broken..it takes a long time..to get everything back together!! (Don't want to fall in love)
Relationships are like glass..sometimes its better to leave them broken than try to hurt ourselves putting it back together!!
I would definitely fall in love again.
Love is a very beautiful thing and a single incident or a single person should not be allowed to take away the right of loving again.
We many times fight with our parents and hurt them...yet they have never stopped loving us. If we think after one break up we won't be able to love ever again then we are totally wrong.
People come and go. Heartbreaks are meant to happen. And every incident is one chapter of our life. As time passes, the chapter changes and we need to get adopted to the scenario of that new chapter.
One should never stop to fall in love only because you are scared of getting hurt. Every incident will teach you something and then there will be a time when you won't be scared of anything.
Why won't I ever love again? I won't ever love the same again. I will love, just not the way I did, in the past.
I have loved. I have lost. I have learnt. I have grown as an individual. Love has taught me some of the best lessons in life. I am not giving up on love. I have just given up on the person I was, when in love. I am different now. I am changed.
I know who to love. I know how to love. I know what love is. I believe in true love but I have moments when I wonder whether love truly believes in me.
Love isn't what I felt for someone. Love is what I felt when there was nothing else left.
I will definitely love again. Love is beautiful. I am not afraid of it. I am not running away from it. It will just never be the same again. I will never be the same again.
Why won't I love ever again?
No reasons, It would be pretty stupid of me or anyone else to think so. Everyday I see these Romeo's and Juliet's whining about unrequited/ lost love and making their life miserable over it and I think to myself, huh! really sweetheart, grow the fuck up, see you in 5 years.
I mean, ever ask yourself, why did you fall in love the first time?
- It made you happy: People often forget this simple fact. The purpose of any relationship is elated happiness. You get into a relationship because it makes you happy, the happiness of the other person comes second. I know, I know you are going to tell me that it's not like that, you love a girl because you want to make her happy! Yeah right! But she is already happy, I don't see you falling for a sad girl?
- You spent time exploring the other person: Yeah, I know that she is the awesomest person in all of the entire universe and all other people are just plain simple and retarded. There is no way someone could ever live up to that standard. Hmm, is that so?
- Convenience: Because it was convenient, she was in your circle or circumstances were such that it was relatively easy to interact.
- You wanted to be in love.
So why would I ever fall in love?
Because I would want to be in love, that sure feels awesome. And I know that this world is full of wonderful people. I just have to spend time to explore their awesomeness and hopefully together we can be happier than we already are.
And being fully aware that Quora would collapse this answer for violating Image Policy, let me add a picture that I saw on Facebook:
Why won't I ever love again?
I will and I am definitely looking forward too.
One bad failure in relationship doesn't stop me from falling in love and having that epitome of grace all in my life once again.
After a traumatic heartbreak I had thought of not to love someone so much again. Until I came across a wonderful article it said, this world has enough engineers, architects, leaders and creators if you are a poet, lover, giver and helper then for the sake of God please don't change.
And I won't change just because of one failure.
I might not put the same efforts and be wise enough after what I have learnt from my previous relationship.
Come on! I am still looking forward to do that TITANIC pose and ball dance with my own Kate Winslet! And I don't want to change the script!
Until then I am polishing my painting skills, after all Rose loves to get a portrait of herself!